Aquarian relationships have been rather predominant in the press lately, haven't they? With recent celebrity divorce bombshells such as Seal (Aquarius/Pisces cusp) & Heidi Klum, Ashton Kutcher (Aquarius) & Demi Moore, and Kris Humphries (Aquarius) & Kim Kardashian, and engagements/new affairs such as Justin Timberlake (Aquarius) & Jessica Biel and Jennifer Aniston (Aquarius) & Justin Theroux, our fellow water bearers are shaking things up in the romance department.
Whether shaken or stirred, Aquarians are no stranger to crazy love lives: be it short-lived marriages, long-term affairs, or mid-life crises and obsessions, it's very rare to find an Aquarius who follows the typical relationship equation of:
boy meets girl + boy dates girl = boy marries girl = happily ever after
Somewhere in between, we should factor in an affair (pre or during marriage), a possible gay interlude or coming-out, and/or a divorce. Why? Aquarians are always re-identifying and re-creating themselves. While they tend to stick to their guns (and yes, their religion) once they believe in something, their never-ending conquest for shaping the world into the image they have in their head controls every single thought and action that they commit. If that vision for the future requires a change of philosophy, then so be it. But this is unlikely--typically, your Aquarius knows how he/she thinks the world should be run by the time they are, oh, say four years old. They like to break free from conventional wisdom and march to their own drum--and to hell with the consequences and naysayers. As Frank Sinatra would say, "I did it my way."
As with Darth Vader, this conquest can be made for good (think: Oprah, Abraham Lincoln, Ronald Reagan--depending on your politics, Ayn Rand--depending on your philosophies, and Ellen DeGeneres) or for bad (think: well, let me digress from painting some of these people as "bad" and just ask my readers to defer to the images of "Famous Aquarians" posted above and determine for yourself which characters are less savory than others).
Regardless of their intention, forewarned is forearmed: either follow this sign as they dash across the water, or be left behind eating their dust (or just dying of thirst).
Once it's over, it's over (disclaimer: Aquarian women, however, can hold on extraordinarily long to a man she is "in love" with out of sheer self-masochism, especially if the man is a Gemini or a Libra). If I were you, I would pass GO! and collect $200 on your way out--or, in Kim K.'s case, $17.9 million--and never look back. You may need that money for therapy sessions, after all. Aquarians don't hold back once they know they have nothing to lose. Be prepared to end things on a bad note, unless you are capable of biting your tongue and simply walking away. Hard to do, that, when your reality TV show requires your personal life to be so public...
Need love advice?
Don't understand what your chart means?
Have a question as to whether you and your S.O. are astrologically compatible?
Don't know whether you should dump him/her?
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Do they love you?
Send me your questions--and don't forget to include any relevant astrology information that you have--and I promise to give you the best "astro-therapy" advice around!
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Don't understand what your chart means?
Have a question as to whether you and your S.O. are astrologically compatible?
Don't know whether you should dump him/her?
Afraid to make the first move?
Do they love you?
Send me your questions--and don't forget to include any relevant astrology information that you have--and I promise to give you the best "astro-therapy" advice around!
E-mail me at LoveStruckDC@aol.com
The PISCES 4-1-1
Element: Water
Ruling Planet: Neptune, Jupiter
Quality: Mutable
Nature: Negative, Feminine
Symbol: Fish
Health Alert: Pisces rule the feet and its structural bones and toes. They must be careful with sprains, stubbed toes, ankle issues, bunions, or broken bones. Since many Pisces are avid runners, dancers or sports-enthusiasts, they need to learn to guard their feet to avoid permanent damage or invasive surgery. Internally, Pisces rule the lymphatic system. They must take caution when it comes to internal inflammation, gland functions in general, and problems with drugs. Allergic reactions to drugs, and a susceptibility to addictions, can become a serious issue for Pisces, who use drugs and alcohol to escape reality or numb themselves from their intense emotions. These said emotions can cause Pisces to struggle with depression and psychosomatic illnesses more often than not. Most of their health issues stem from emotional distress, and as such, they tend to have a weak immune system to fight off colds, flu, sinus infections, or other illnesses. Therapeutic ways of avoiding addictive tendencies and reducing stress on the body would be yoga or Pilates, which most Pisces love because it helps them to feel spiritually aligned as well. Last but not least, Pisces tend to indulge in expensive tastes when it comes to rich foods. They should be wary of excessive drinking and eating, especially late night. Their bodies have a delicate system and their metabolism is a bit weaker than most.
Where to Find a Pisces: performing on-stage, whether it be a dance production, musical collaboration, or play. They are heavily involved in the arts, so when they aren’t on stage, they can likely be found working late hours in an art or dance studio, reading in a bookstore, rehearsing their lines with a cast mate, cooking in a restaurant, or attending a lecture on religion or philosophy. You may also find a lot of Pisces working in marketing or graphic design firms, as they get to apply their artistic skills in a corporate environment. You can also find them near water (ocean, lake, etc) meditating or just watching the scenery while writing down their latest poem or chapter in their novel. Most Pisceans are involved in charity work and the Church, so an easy target would be to go to a worship service or sign up for volunteer work in your area (animal shelters, soup kitchens, mentoring programs, campaign fundraising, etc). New Age workshops, readings, or events is a prime target for the typical Pisces, who is very in-tune with alternative lifestyles. This said lifestyle leads them to organic food markets and grocery stores, too. If all else fails, you are guaranteed to find a Pisces in a yoga or Pilates studio (and probably, they are teaching the class!).
How to Spot a Pisces: they are fairly easy to spot because they tend to stand out like a sore thumb in a crowd. Many of them have light eyes that are soft and soulful, which they use to analyze the environment around them. They won’t be the loud person in the room always talking. In fact, they will be the quiet one you have to draw out of their shell. Once they are drawn out, they can be quite witty and charming, surprising most people. A hearty laugh that throws their head back, and frequent movements of their head is also a noticeable trait (that “huh? me?” what?” movement). It’s almost as if they look like someone has splashed water on their face. Their faces, and facial movements, are quite expressive when they become animated—otherwise, they can look like a deer in headlights most of the time. They may wave their arms around when they talk as well, almost as if they are dancing or giving a grand speech in their head at the same time that they are sitting down and talking to you about their day. The women are drawn to floral prints and very feminine pieces (sheer fabrics, summer dresses, scarves, subdued prints, etc) that allow them to move easily and comfortably. The less glamorous Pisces woman will wear jeans and a fleece jacket or t-shirt all the time (and some kind of creative addition, like a scarf around their head, a cool/different piece of jewelry, or a fun headband) or have a more hippy look (flowing printed dresses an earth tones), and the more glamorous will have no problem decking herself out in jewels, a fur coat, and a plunging neckline showing her curvy figure (think of Elizabeth Taylor when she was young). She uses her clothes to define herself as either a sexy siren or a natural beauty. The men love wearing blues and greens, and will often be in khakis or some other relaxed-wear. In business, they are always in sharp suits and have impeccable taste. They like to look good—it helps them charm the women more so that they can get what they want!
How to Attract a Pisces: have a kind heart, an interest in the arts and in their passion for the arts, and be attractive. Pisces are very visual and don’t like things that look messy or in disarray—it throws them off balance. If you are a good soul, with a strong will, they will fall madly in love with you. Typically, a Pisces is first attracted sexually, but will wait to get to know you better before really falling in love (Do you have the same interests? Are you spiritual? Do you respect yourself? Are you a family person?). Ironically, even though Pisces are attracted to pretty people, they are turned off by materialistic ones. A Pisces man loves an attractive, feminine woman, but if she spends too much money on shoes, bags, or clothes, or expects that he spends his money on her, he is quickly turned off. He will view her motives as selfish, materialistic, and greedy. A Pisces woman is always looking for a man who is put together and successful. She needs to feel secure and taken care of, and a well dressed man with a good bank account is definitely the route to her heart, even if he can be slightly selfish or self-involved, she falls for his charms. The general rule of thumb, however, is just to be a good, nice person—someone that a Pisces considers to be honest, virtuous, and loyal. A wicked sense of humor will also help you. Many Pisces are in the entertainment industry, notably as comedians or actors, and love making people laugh. You should take to heart that Pisces have very volatile emotions, as well. This means they can be obsessed with you one moment, and disinterested in the next. Be willing to ride their emotional waves (and sometimes, tsunamis) if you want to spend a lifetime together.
How to Lose a Pisces: being more emotionally erratic than they are, loud, or pretentious, is a great way to get rid of your Pisces. They may hang in there for a while because they dig a little bit of the crazy (they are crazy too, after all), but they will quickly swim upstream after a short while. They loathe nasty behavior, ugly people, negative personalities, and irresponsible partners. Female Pisces are looking for a strong, alpha male to protect them; male Pisces are looking for a feminine, faithful and kind-hearted alpha female to nourish them. It’s really that simple. So, if you don’t fall within the lines, you simply don’t matter to a Pisces.
Ruling Planet: Neptune, Jupiter
Quality: Mutable
Nature: Negative, Feminine
Symbol: Fish
Health Alert: Pisces rule the feet and its structural bones and toes. They must be careful with sprains, stubbed toes, ankle issues, bunions, or broken bones. Since many Pisces are avid runners, dancers or sports-enthusiasts, they need to learn to guard their feet to avoid permanent damage or invasive surgery. Internally, Pisces rule the lymphatic system. They must take caution when it comes to internal inflammation, gland functions in general, and problems with drugs. Allergic reactions to drugs, and a susceptibility to addictions, can become a serious issue for Pisces, who use drugs and alcohol to escape reality or numb themselves from their intense emotions. These said emotions can cause Pisces to struggle with depression and psychosomatic illnesses more often than not. Most of their health issues stem from emotional distress, and as such, they tend to have a weak immune system to fight off colds, flu, sinus infections, or other illnesses. Therapeutic ways of avoiding addictive tendencies and reducing stress on the body would be yoga or Pilates, which most Pisces love because it helps them to feel spiritually aligned as well. Last but not least, Pisces tend to indulge in expensive tastes when it comes to rich foods. They should be wary of excessive drinking and eating, especially late night. Their bodies have a delicate system and their metabolism is a bit weaker than most.
Where to Find a Pisces: performing on-stage, whether it be a dance production, musical collaboration, or play. They are heavily involved in the arts, so when they aren’t on stage, they can likely be found working late hours in an art or dance studio, reading in a bookstore, rehearsing their lines with a cast mate, cooking in a restaurant, or attending a lecture on religion or philosophy. You may also find a lot of Pisces working in marketing or graphic design firms, as they get to apply their artistic skills in a corporate environment. You can also find them near water (ocean, lake, etc) meditating or just watching the scenery while writing down their latest poem or chapter in their novel. Most Pisceans are involved in charity work and the Church, so an easy target would be to go to a worship service or sign up for volunteer work in your area (animal shelters, soup kitchens, mentoring programs, campaign fundraising, etc). New Age workshops, readings, or events is a prime target for the typical Pisces, who is very in-tune with alternative lifestyles. This said lifestyle leads them to organic food markets and grocery stores, too. If all else fails, you are guaranteed to find a Pisces in a yoga or Pilates studio (and probably, they are teaching the class!).
How to Spot a Pisces: they are fairly easy to spot because they tend to stand out like a sore thumb in a crowd. Many of them have light eyes that are soft and soulful, which they use to analyze the environment around them. They won’t be the loud person in the room always talking. In fact, they will be the quiet one you have to draw out of their shell. Once they are drawn out, they can be quite witty and charming, surprising most people. A hearty laugh that throws their head back, and frequent movements of their head is also a noticeable trait (that “huh? me?” what?” movement). It’s almost as if they look like someone has splashed water on their face. Their faces, and facial movements, are quite expressive when they become animated—otherwise, they can look like a deer in headlights most of the time. They may wave their arms around when they talk as well, almost as if they are dancing or giving a grand speech in their head at the same time that they are sitting down and talking to you about their day. The women are drawn to floral prints and very feminine pieces (sheer fabrics, summer dresses, scarves, subdued prints, etc) that allow them to move easily and comfortably. The less glamorous Pisces woman will wear jeans and a fleece jacket or t-shirt all the time (and some kind of creative addition, like a scarf around their head, a cool/different piece of jewelry, or a fun headband) or have a more hippy look (flowing printed dresses an earth tones), and the more glamorous will have no problem decking herself out in jewels, a fur coat, and a plunging neckline showing her curvy figure (think of Elizabeth Taylor when she was young). She uses her clothes to define herself as either a sexy siren or a natural beauty. The men love wearing blues and greens, and will often be in khakis or some other relaxed-wear. In business, they are always in sharp suits and have impeccable taste. They like to look good—it helps them charm the women more so that they can get what they want!
How to Attract a Pisces: have a kind heart, an interest in the arts and in their passion for the arts, and be attractive. Pisces are very visual and don’t like things that look messy or in disarray—it throws them off balance. If you are a good soul, with a strong will, they will fall madly in love with you. Typically, a Pisces is first attracted sexually, but will wait to get to know you better before really falling in love (Do you have the same interests? Are you spiritual? Do you respect yourself? Are you a family person?). Ironically, even though Pisces are attracted to pretty people, they are turned off by materialistic ones. A Pisces man loves an attractive, feminine woman, but if she spends too much money on shoes, bags, or clothes, or expects that he spends his money on her, he is quickly turned off. He will view her motives as selfish, materialistic, and greedy. A Pisces woman is always looking for a man who is put together and successful. She needs to feel secure and taken care of, and a well dressed man with a good bank account is definitely the route to her heart, even if he can be slightly selfish or self-involved, she falls for his charms. The general rule of thumb, however, is just to be a good, nice person—someone that a Pisces considers to be honest, virtuous, and loyal. A wicked sense of humor will also help you. Many Pisces are in the entertainment industry, notably as comedians or actors, and love making people laugh. You should take to heart that Pisces have very volatile emotions, as well. This means they can be obsessed with you one moment, and disinterested in the next. Be willing to ride their emotional waves (and sometimes, tsunamis) if you want to spend a lifetime together.
How to Lose a Pisces: being more emotionally erratic than they are, loud, or pretentious, is a great way to get rid of your Pisces. They may hang in there for a while because they dig a little bit of the crazy (they are crazy too, after all), but they will quickly swim upstream after a short while. They loathe nasty behavior, ugly people, negative personalities, and irresponsible partners. Female Pisces are looking for a strong, alpha male to protect them; male Pisces are looking for a feminine, faithful and kind-hearted alpha female to nourish them. It’s really that simple. So, if you don’t fall within the lines, you simply don’t matter to a Pisces.
FAMOUS PISCES
Clockwise: Javier Bardem, Glenn Close, Daniel Craig, Jessica Biel, Benicio del Toro, Eva Longoria, Justin Bieber, Drew Barrymore, Michael Cain, Rachel Weisz, Steve Jobs, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Billy Crystal, Queen Latifah, Spike Lee, Chelsea Handler, Mitt Romney, Chelsea Clinton, Ralph Nader, Elizabeth Taylor, Albert Einstein, Liza Minnelli, Alan Greenspan, Rue McClanahan, Rob Lowe, Lauren Graham, Bruce Willis, Juliette Binoche, Kurt Russell, Cindy Crawford, Bon Jovi, Vanessa Williams
The PISCES Best & Worst List
Best Qualities: intuitive, nurturing and soulful, Pisces have a way about them that makes people drawn to them. Whether it is because they are mysterious, seem innocent, or make people feel coddled and needed, they are like Mother Nature radiating warmth and harmony. Romantic and charming, Pisces easily find partners in their life to fulfill their needs. Their creativity is limitless, whether they are a male or a female. Male Pisces tend to focus more on cooking or music, and are therefore often found running a kitchen or writing their own music and/or playing an instrument of their choice. Their girlfriends have swooned over their emotional sensitivity and way with words—especially when they put the words in a romantic poem or song while playing their guitar. Female Pisces are more apt to write (poems, short stories) or be an artist or dancer. They have a strong need to use their sense of touch and their free spirit in their creative endeavors and are not afraid to express themselves through dancing, painting, or singing. Regardless of their sex, Pisces are extremely expressive on paper and often live in a fantasy world. Their artistic inclinations just make them very different from the average Joe (or Jane). Their emotions are so strong and finely tuned that, when they become too overwhelming, they can turn them into something beautiful, if they so desire. Inclined to spirituality and New Age beliefs, Pisces is a sign that is typically psychic and somewhat mystical. As the oldest sign of the Zodiac that is also connected astrologically to Jesus Christ, they have profound wisdom and beliefs in a higher power. Many Pisces are strongly linked to churches and religious leaders, and/or are involved in charitable works, volunteering, holistic healing, or counseling.
Worst Qualities: Pisces live in a fantasy world that makes it seem as if they are oh-so-mysterious (people can’t help but wonder “what ARE they thinking about?”), but the reality is that they are so confused about how they feel that they very rarely can make a decision about which mood they are in or which direction to go. Indecisiveness is a big challenge for Pisces and can sometimes render them immutable and left whining and throwing a tantrum because they simply can’t decide between hot and cold, happy or sad, left or right. As fickle as a child, their decisions and actions are at the beck and call of their mood de jour. Making a commitment to a decision, feeling, or idea can be excruciating for them and they end up delegating the decision to someone else. Pisces say that they hate hurting someone’s feelings, but the truth is that many of them get a sadistic kick out of hurting the ones they love. They can be completely self-absorbed and self-centered, so it is hard for them to strike a fine balance between making a decision that is best for them while still making it seem as if they are putting other people’s feelings into consideration. Violent tempers, mood swings, possessive, and addictive personalities are very common to Pisces. Many are apt to deal with depression, jealousies, and feelings of inadequacy or unexplained sadness. Sometimes living in their own fantasy world with their head in the clouds makes the landing on Earth a crash and burn reality. Pisces need to learn to not transfer their own feelings of unhappiness or inadequacy onto their loved ones, or they may end up terribly alone. Also, when a Pisces has made up their mind, they can be incredibly loyal to that decision, which can be a heavy burden on those who don’t agree.
Best Matches: Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn, Cancer, Scorpio
Taurus thrives in the home and needs to feel protected, secure, and loved. Taurus, after all, is in love with the idea of love—wishing that the world is full of romance and sex. In comes Pisces, who, with a wave of a wand, can make all their dreams seem true. Both signs are also drawn to the intensity of touch and are very ethereal. They aren’t afraid to explore their sexuality together and see what happens in the bedroom. Spiritual conversations, intense emotional bonds, and a sense of comfort comes easily when these two signs are paired together. They will be best friends and lovers, which is, after all, the sweetest thing. Famous Couples: Javier Bardem (Pisces) and Penelope Cruz (Taurus), Cindy Crawford (Pisces) and Randy Gerber (Taurus), Eva Longoria (Pisces) and Tony Parker (Taurus), Liza Minnelli (Pisces) and David Gest (Taurus)
Virgo is Pisces perfect astrological opposite. This is to say that they can either be a great couple, or a horrible one. While Pisces may find making a decision hard, Virgo is more apt to say “this is what you do and how you do it.” And when both are stuck for a decision, the over-analytical Virgo and the dreamlike Pisces can sit together for hours arriving at the best decision and exploring all the pro’s and con’s of the situation. Virgo enjoys Pisces mystical and seemingly innocent (and slightly neurotic) side; Pisces delights in Virgo’s purity and strength. Virgo is always reliable when it comes to Pisces because a Virgo always feels the need to protect or nurture their wounded partner. However, Virgo can easily become annoyed with Pisces’ inconsistencies and inability to make decisions. Pisces can feel over-analyzed and criticized by Virgo. The truth is that both are at fault here by simply being who they are. Famous Couples: Cindy Crawford (Pisces) and Richard Gere (Virgo), Emily Blunt (Pisces) and Michael Buble (Virgo)
Capricorn’s drive, stamina, and discipline provide the backbone that the Pisces has always been searching for. Capricorns know how to get things done and get them done right, especially in business and finance. They seldom question their actions and just go for it, something which a Pisces can’t help but admire. Also, since Pisces tends to spend money a bit more recklessly, they benefit greatly by Capricorn’s shrewd financial planning and investment advice. So what does the Pisces bring to the table? Capricorns tend to be aloof and not evolved emotionally speaking—these goats can be a bit too harsh and cold while climbing to the top of that mountain. That’s where Pisces comes in, softening the rough edges of the Capricorn and calming them down, telling them when they are being inappropriate, mean, or too damn cold-hearted. Famous Couples: Penny Lancaster (Pisces) and Rod Stewart (Capricorn), Christine Baumgartner (Pisces) and Kevin Costner (Capricorn), Pat Nixon (Pisces) and Richard Nixon (Capricorn)
Cancer will feel at home in Pisces deep emotional waters; these two literally are as happy as a crab (Cancer) and a fish (Pisces) swimming together in the vast ocean. They are both emotional, sensitive and moody, and feel as if they have found their perfect soul mate in each other. Whether it is staying at home for a nice evening by candlelight, or reading a book in the corner of the living room while sipping on a nightcap, these two simply enjoy each other’s comforting presence. Cancer is a very witty and driven sign, as is Pisces, and together their conversations will flow smoothly and easily. More importantly, neither sign is afraid to call the other out on their BS, and knows when to leave well enough alone. Their union will be mystical, and their bond intensive and somewhat possessive, but that’s how they both roll when it comes to love. At the very least, both of them will be able to understand each other’s emotional volatility. Famous Couples: Kurt Cobain (Pisces) and Courtney Love (Cancer), Johnny Cash (Pisces) and June Carter Cash (Cancer), Vanessa Williams (Pisces) and Rick Fox (Cancer)
Scorpio’s more intense, sensual qualities invigorate Pisces to feel more sexual and sensual—these two will certainly have a romantically charged relationship where feelings and emotions seem very heightened and magnified. Both are very spiritual signs and will be drawn to an alternative lifestyle together and will judge each other rarely, and love each other permanently. They may not marry, but they will happily spend the rest of their lives together. Intellectual stimulation and friendship rules this couple first and foremost, but a healthy physical attraction is definitely there. They both sense what the other needs (for Scorpio, they need space and freedom, especially from judgment; for Pisces, they need attention, coddling, and adoration). Famous Couples: Kurt Russell (Pisces) and Goldie Hawn (Scorpio), Bruce Willis (Pisces) and Demi Moore (Scorpio), Michael Bolton (Pisces) and Nicollette Sheridan (Scorpio), Tom Arnold (Pisces) and Roseanne (Scorpio), Julia Cameron (Pisces) and Martin Scorsese (Scorpio), Elizabeth Taylor (Pisces) and Richard Burton (Scorpio), Alan Greenspan (Pisces) and Andrea Mitchell (Scorpio)
Worst Matches: Gemini, Leo, Sagittarius, Pisces
Gemini’s mercurial wit and personality certainly charms the Pisces, who is mesmerized by Gemini’s social persona. Both signs are mutable, meaning they are able to adapt to the energy or changes in a room/environment. Their flexibility will be essential in making this pair last. Pisces may want to cling or attach themselves to Gemini’s rollercoaster ride—and it may last for a short while. That is, until the Gemini is tired of being bored by Pisces’ sensitive or possessive nature, desire to stay home, or depressive/quiet moods. The only thing Pisces would love to chat about non-stop is the way they are feeling about a situation, which is probably the quickest way to lose a Gemini who can’t STAND to talk about their feelings all the time and would probably prefer talking to a wall instead. Pisces can be too unreliable and unstable for Gemini, who needs a partner who will ground them and their flighty twins. That being said, if a Gemini has been wounded in love before, and craves a nurturing and committed soul, a Pisces may just fit the bill. Famous Couples: Seal (Pisces/Aquarius cusp) and Heidi Klum (Gemini), Drew Barrymore (Pisces) and Justin Long (Gemini), Ivana Trump (Pisces) and Donald Trump (Gemini), Drew Barrymore (Pisces) and Fabrizio Moretti (Gemini), Callista Gingrich (Pisces) and Newt Gingrich (Gemini)
Sagittarius and Pisces, at some point, will find themselves together. It doesn’t normally last long, and it normally doesn’t end well, but nonetheless, it is a trap they often fall into. Sagittarius falls for Pisces unworldly and imaginative persona. They are so intriguing and ethereal, that the Sagittarius feels challenged to “capture” the Pisces. It is important to note that this pairing is more common when the man is the Sagittarius and the woman is the Pisces. The female Pisces will fall for the charming Sagittarius man who is adventurous, funny and goal-oriented. As she is typically weak on those traits, she feels incredibly drawn to this “foreign” energy and wants to be a part of it for a while. Likewise, the Sagittarius man is humbled by the emotional, sensitive, and creative Pisces woman—she seems so delicate and charming and perfect. That is, until she starts crying because she doesn’t have his attention, or when she complains he doesn’t love her or show his emotions enough. The Sag gets annoyed by the wishy-washy Pisces and her inability to make a decision. Angers flare and the Pisces woman throws a bucket of water over the enraged fiery Sagittarius…and then it is over. Famous Couples: Chris Webber (Pisces) and Tyra Banks (Sag)
Leo is sexual and shows love and emotions easily (and demands a lot of attention), so at the very least, a Pisces and a Leo will not worry about expressing their feelings accordingly. Since Leo likes being in charge and telling others what to do, and Pisces is looking to be told what to do, this pair can actually work. HOWEVER, Leo hates whining and hates being held back by emotionally weakness, such as manipulation, depression, or moodiness. And Pisces do that oh-so-well. As long as Leo can handle Pisces’ emotional persona, and Pisces won’t take Leo’s bossiness as a symbol of domination, they may find love together. At the very least, they will find great sex. Famous Couples: Justin Beiber (Pisces) and Selena Gomez (Leo/Cancer Cusp), Tea Leoni (Pisces) and David Duchovny (Leo), Elizabeth Taylor (Pisces) and Eddie Fisher (Leo), Desi Arnaz (Pisces) and Lucille Ball (Leo), Lauren Graham (Pisces) and Peter Krause (Leo)
Two Pisces together is a disaster. Too many emotions, too little motivation, and far too little direction, leaves these two a complete mess together. Pisces needs a more practical counterpart (or backbone) to make it in this world. Famous Couples: Rachel Weisz and Daniel Craig
Surprisingly Good Matches: Aquarius, Aries, Libra
Aquarius has a natural humanitarian instinct, which appeals to the nurturing Pisces. Yet, these two can have a limited fuse for one another. Aquarius tends to be too unemotional or unstable for the sensitive Pisces. While the Aquarius wants to be out and about, socialize and meet new people, the Pisces hates crowds or social events and prefers to be a loner and either stay at home, or watch and observe the crowd. Pisces do better in a one-on-one capacity with someone they know, and nothing, NOTHING, is as boring to an Aquarian as someone who doesn’t know how to carry a conversation with a complete stranger. Aquarius also tends to be a hard worker and puts in long hours at the office, always focusing on making money or vast improvements in the world. While Pisces respects this, they tend to thrive more on balance. Where they will understand one another is in trying to help mankind improve itself. They may pursue it from different angles (Aquarius thinks big, whereas Pisces thinks on a smaller scale), but pursue it they will. Both signs are incredibly charming, so they can channel their flirtatious personas into a very sexy relationship IF they are willing to understand one another’s differences and realize the treasure they have found in one another. If Aquarius is smart enough to acknowledge how lucky they are to have a soulful Pisces in their life to calm them down, and if Pisces is willing to admit they need Aquarius to motivate them to be the best person they can be, then they wouldn’t be such a bad couple after all. They could be great, in fact. Famous Couples: Jessica Biel (Pisces) and Justin Timberlake (Aquarius), Rachel Weisz (Pisces) and Darren Aronofsky (Aquarius), Elizabeth Taylor (Pisces) and John Warner (Aquarius), Stedman Graham (Pisces) and Oprah Winfrey (Aquarius), Paul Newman (Aquarius) and Joanne Woodward (Pisces)
Aries can be very superficial and needs to be in the spotlight at all times. Since Pisces can be turned off by excessive material wealth, this can be a weird match. BUT, if the man is the Aries in this picture, and the female is a Pisces, then there is some hope. A female Pisces loves being taken care of and loves feeling rich, decked out in jewels, fur coats, and expensive décor. She almost has a childlike delight at feeling like the princess in her own fairytale world. The Aries man thrives in providing her all of these things, especially since she looks so great in them and she is so appreciative of these gifts. He provides her not only with material security, but also a sense of adventure. If she doesn’t get jealous of his flirtatious character, and he doesn’t get bothered by her clingy behavior, they can really work well together. Famous Couples: Freddie Prinze Jr. (Pisces) and Sarah Michelle Gellar (Aries), Mitt Romney (Pisces) and Ann Romney (Aries)
Libra is all about harmony, balance, aesthetic pleasure, and peace. For this reason, Pisces can’t help but feel attracted to the world their charming Libra has created for them. As long as Pisces isn’t bothered by Libra’s social personality and constant over-analyzing, and Pisces doesn’t pull their infamous bouts of rage or temper tantrums, these two can co-exist very happily together. They just need to understand that their temperaments and personalities are different—but not different enough to give them a shot at trying it out. The Libra is a go-getter, planner and motivator. All of which are Pisces’ weakest traits. The Pisces is emotionally thoughtful, purposeful and sensitive, all of which can sometimes be Libra’s weakest traits. This pair can be a ying to the other’s yang if the stars are aligned correctly when they meet. Famous Couples: Chris Martin (Pisces) and Gwyneth Paltrow (Libra), Jon Bon Jovi (Pisces) and Dorothea Hurley (Libra), Dana Reeve (Pisces) and Christopher Reeve (Libra), Joel Madden (Pisces) and Hilary Duff (Libra)
Worst Qualities: Pisces live in a fantasy world that makes it seem as if they are oh-so-mysterious (people can’t help but wonder “what ARE they thinking about?”), but the reality is that they are so confused about how they feel that they very rarely can make a decision about which mood they are in or which direction to go. Indecisiveness is a big challenge for Pisces and can sometimes render them immutable and left whining and throwing a tantrum because they simply can’t decide between hot and cold, happy or sad, left or right. As fickle as a child, their decisions and actions are at the beck and call of their mood de jour. Making a commitment to a decision, feeling, or idea can be excruciating for them and they end up delegating the decision to someone else. Pisces say that they hate hurting someone’s feelings, but the truth is that many of them get a sadistic kick out of hurting the ones they love. They can be completely self-absorbed and self-centered, so it is hard for them to strike a fine balance between making a decision that is best for them while still making it seem as if they are putting other people’s feelings into consideration. Violent tempers, mood swings, possessive, and addictive personalities are very common to Pisces. Many are apt to deal with depression, jealousies, and feelings of inadequacy or unexplained sadness. Sometimes living in their own fantasy world with their head in the clouds makes the landing on Earth a crash and burn reality. Pisces need to learn to not transfer their own feelings of unhappiness or inadequacy onto their loved ones, or they may end up terribly alone. Also, when a Pisces has made up their mind, they can be incredibly loyal to that decision, which can be a heavy burden on those who don’t agree.
Best Matches: Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn, Cancer, Scorpio
Taurus thrives in the home and needs to feel protected, secure, and loved. Taurus, after all, is in love with the idea of love—wishing that the world is full of romance and sex. In comes Pisces, who, with a wave of a wand, can make all their dreams seem true. Both signs are also drawn to the intensity of touch and are very ethereal. They aren’t afraid to explore their sexuality together and see what happens in the bedroom. Spiritual conversations, intense emotional bonds, and a sense of comfort comes easily when these two signs are paired together. They will be best friends and lovers, which is, after all, the sweetest thing. Famous Couples: Javier Bardem (Pisces) and Penelope Cruz (Taurus), Cindy Crawford (Pisces) and Randy Gerber (Taurus), Eva Longoria (Pisces) and Tony Parker (Taurus), Liza Minnelli (Pisces) and David Gest (Taurus)
Virgo is Pisces perfect astrological opposite. This is to say that they can either be a great couple, or a horrible one. While Pisces may find making a decision hard, Virgo is more apt to say “this is what you do and how you do it.” And when both are stuck for a decision, the over-analytical Virgo and the dreamlike Pisces can sit together for hours arriving at the best decision and exploring all the pro’s and con’s of the situation. Virgo enjoys Pisces mystical and seemingly innocent (and slightly neurotic) side; Pisces delights in Virgo’s purity and strength. Virgo is always reliable when it comes to Pisces because a Virgo always feels the need to protect or nurture their wounded partner. However, Virgo can easily become annoyed with Pisces’ inconsistencies and inability to make decisions. Pisces can feel over-analyzed and criticized by Virgo. The truth is that both are at fault here by simply being who they are. Famous Couples: Cindy Crawford (Pisces) and Richard Gere (Virgo), Emily Blunt (Pisces) and Michael Buble (Virgo)
Capricorn’s drive, stamina, and discipline provide the backbone that the Pisces has always been searching for. Capricorns know how to get things done and get them done right, especially in business and finance. They seldom question their actions and just go for it, something which a Pisces can’t help but admire. Also, since Pisces tends to spend money a bit more recklessly, they benefit greatly by Capricorn’s shrewd financial planning and investment advice. So what does the Pisces bring to the table? Capricorns tend to be aloof and not evolved emotionally speaking—these goats can be a bit too harsh and cold while climbing to the top of that mountain. That’s where Pisces comes in, softening the rough edges of the Capricorn and calming them down, telling them when they are being inappropriate, mean, or too damn cold-hearted. Famous Couples: Penny Lancaster (Pisces) and Rod Stewart (Capricorn), Christine Baumgartner (Pisces) and Kevin Costner (Capricorn), Pat Nixon (Pisces) and Richard Nixon (Capricorn)
Cancer will feel at home in Pisces deep emotional waters; these two literally are as happy as a crab (Cancer) and a fish (Pisces) swimming together in the vast ocean. They are both emotional, sensitive and moody, and feel as if they have found their perfect soul mate in each other. Whether it is staying at home for a nice evening by candlelight, or reading a book in the corner of the living room while sipping on a nightcap, these two simply enjoy each other’s comforting presence. Cancer is a very witty and driven sign, as is Pisces, and together their conversations will flow smoothly and easily. More importantly, neither sign is afraid to call the other out on their BS, and knows when to leave well enough alone. Their union will be mystical, and their bond intensive and somewhat possessive, but that’s how they both roll when it comes to love. At the very least, both of them will be able to understand each other’s emotional volatility. Famous Couples: Kurt Cobain (Pisces) and Courtney Love (Cancer), Johnny Cash (Pisces) and June Carter Cash (Cancer), Vanessa Williams (Pisces) and Rick Fox (Cancer)
Scorpio’s more intense, sensual qualities invigorate Pisces to feel more sexual and sensual—these two will certainly have a romantically charged relationship where feelings and emotions seem very heightened and magnified. Both are very spiritual signs and will be drawn to an alternative lifestyle together and will judge each other rarely, and love each other permanently. They may not marry, but they will happily spend the rest of their lives together. Intellectual stimulation and friendship rules this couple first and foremost, but a healthy physical attraction is definitely there. They both sense what the other needs (for Scorpio, they need space and freedom, especially from judgment; for Pisces, they need attention, coddling, and adoration). Famous Couples: Kurt Russell (Pisces) and Goldie Hawn (Scorpio), Bruce Willis (Pisces) and Demi Moore (Scorpio), Michael Bolton (Pisces) and Nicollette Sheridan (Scorpio), Tom Arnold (Pisces) and Roseanne (Scorpio), Julia Cameron (Pisces) and Martin Scorsese (Scorpio), Elizabeth Taylor (Pisces) and Richard Burton (Scorpio), Alan Greenspan (Pisces) and Andrea Mitchell (Scorpio)
Worst Matches: Gemini, Leo, Sagittarius, Pisces
Gemini’s mercurial wit and personality certainly charms the Pisces, who is mesmerized by Gemini’s social persona. Both signs are mutable, meaning they are able to adapt to the energy or changes in a room/environment. Their flexibility will be essential in making this pair last. Pisces may want to cling or attach themselves to Gemini’s rollercoaster ride—and it may last for a short while. That is, until the Gemini is tired of being bored by Pisces’ sensitive or possessive nature, desire to stay home, or depressive/quiet moods. The only thing Pisces would love to chat about non-stop is the way they are feeling about a situation, which is probably the quickest way to lose a Gemini who can’t STAND to talk about their feelings all the time and would probably prefer talking to a wall instead. Pisces can be too unreliable and unstable for Gemini, who needs a partner who will ground them and their flighty twins. That being said, if a Gemini has been wounded in love before, and craves a nurturing and committed soul, a Pisces may just fit the bill. Famous Couples: Seal (Pisces/Aquarius cusp) and Heidi Klum (Gemini), Drew Barrymore (Pisces) and Justin Long (Gemini), Ivana Trump (Pisces) and Donald Trump (Gemini), Drew Barrymore (Pisces) and Fabrizio Moretti (Gemini), Callista Gingrich (Pisces) and Newt Gingrich (Gemini)
Sagittarius and Pisces, at some point, will find themselves together. It doesn’t normally last long, and it normally doesn’t end well, but nonetheless, it is a trap they often fall into. Sagittarius falls for Pisces unworldly and imaginative persona. They are so intriguing and ethereal, that the Sagittarius feels challenged to “capture” the Pisces. It is important to note that this pairing is more common when the man is the Sagittarius and the woman is the Pisces. The female Pisces will fall for the charming Sagittarius man who is adventurous, funny and goal-oriented. As she is typically weak on those traits, she feels incredibly drawn to this “foreign” energy and wants to be a part of it for a while. Likewise, the Sagittarius man is humbled by the emotional, sensitive, and creative Pisces woman—she seems so delicate and charming and perfect. That is, until she starts crying because she doesn’t have his attention, or when she complains he doesn’t love her or show his emotions enough. The Sag gets annoyed by the wishy-washy Pisces and her inability to make a decision. Angers flare and the Pisces woman throws a bucket of water over the enraged fiery Sagittarius…and then it is over. Famous Couples: Chris Webber (Pisces) and Tyra Banks (Sag)
Leo is sexual and shows love and emotions easily (and demands a lot of attention), so at the very least, a Pisces and a Leo will not worry about expressing their feelings accordingly. Since Leo likes being in charge and telling others what to do, and Pisces is looking to be told what to do, this pair can actually work. HOWEVER, Leo hates whining and hates being held back by emotionally weakness, such as manipulation, depression, or moodiness. And Pisces do that oh-so-well. As long as Leo can handle Pisces’ emotional persona, and Pisces won’t take Leo’s bossiness as a symbol of domination, they may find love together. At the very least, they will find great sex. Famous Couples: Justin Beiber (Pisces) and Selena Gomez (Leo/Cancer Cusp), Tea Leoni (Pisces) and David Duchovny (Leo), Elizabeth Taylor (Pisces) and Eddie Fisher (Leo), Desi Arnaz (Pisces) and Lucille Ball (Leo), Lauren Graham (Pisces) and Peter Krause (Leo)
Two Pisces together is a disaster. Too many emotions, too little motivation, and far too little direction, leaves these two a complete mess together. Pisces needs a more practical counterpart (or backbone) to make it in this world. Famous Couples: Rachel Weisz and Daniel Craig
Surprisingly Good Matches: Aquarius, Aries, Libra
Aquarius has a natural humanitarian instinct, which appeals to the nurturing Pisces. Yet, these two can have a limited fuse for one another. Aquarius tends to be too unemotional or unstable for the sensitive Pisces. While the Aquarius wants to be out and about, socialize and meet new people, the Pisces hates crowds or social events and prefers to be a loner and either stay at home, or watch and observe the crowd. Pisces do better in a one-on-one capacity with someone they know, and nothing, NOTHING, is as boring to an Aquarian as someone who doesn’t know how to carry a conversation with a complete stranger. Aquarius also tends to be a hard worker and puts in long hours at the office, always focusing on making money or vast improvements in the world. While Pisces respects this, they tend to thrive more on balance. Where they will understand one another is in trying to help mankind improve itself. They may pursue it from different angles (Aquarius thinks big, whereas Pisces thinks on a smaller scale), but pursue it they will. Both signs are incredibly charming, so they can channel their flirtatious personas into a very sexy relationship IF they are willing to understand one another’s differences and realize the treasure they have found in one another. If Aquarius is smart enough to acknowledge how lucky they are to have a soulful Pisces in their life to calm them down, and if Pisces is willing to admit they need Aquarius to motivate them to be the best person they can be, then they wouldn’t be such a bad couple after all. They could be great, in fact. Famous Couples: Jessica Biel (Pisces) and Justin Timberlake (Aquarius), Rachel Weisz (Pisces) and Darren Aronofsky (Aquarius), Elizabeth Taylor (Pisces) and John Warner (Aquarius), Stedman Graham (Pisces) and Oprah Winfrey (Aquarius), Paul Newman (Aquarius) and Joanne Woodward (Pisces)
Aries can be very superficial and needs to be in the spotlight at all times. Since Pisces can be turned off by excessive material wealth, this can be a weird match. BUT, if the man is the Aries in this picture, and the female is a Pisces, then there is some hope. A female Pisces loves being taken care of and loves feeling rich, decked out in jewels, fur coats, and expensive décor. She almost has a childlike delight at feeling like the princess in her own fairytale world. The Aries man thrives in providing her all of these things, especially since she looks so great in them and she is so appreciative of these gifts. He provides her not only with material security, but also a sense of adventure. If she doesn’t get jealous of his flirtatious character, and he doesn’t get bothered by her clingy behavior, they can really work well together. Famous Couples: Freddie Prinze Jr. (Pisces) and Sarah Michelle Gellar (Aries), Mitt Romney (Pisces) and Ann Romney (Aries)
Libra is all about harmony, balance, aesthetic pleasure, and peace. For this reason, Pisces can’t help but feel attracted to the world their charming Libra has created for them. As long as Pisces isn’t bothered by Libra’s social personality and constant over-analyzing, and Pisces doesn’t pull their infamous bouts of rage or temper tantrums, these two can co-exist very happily together. They just need to understand that their temperaments and personalities are different—but not different enough to give them a shot at trying it out. The Libra is a go-getter, planner and motivator. All of which are Pisces’ weakest traits. The Pisces is emotionally thoughtful, purposeful and sensitive, all of which can sometimes be Libra’s weakest traits. This pair can be a ying to the other’s yang if the stars are aligned correctly when they meet. Famous Couples: Chris Martin (Pisces) and Gwyneth Paltrow (Libra), Jon Bon Jovi (Pisces) and Dorothea Hurley (Libra), Dana Reeve (Pisces) and Christopher Reeve (Libra), Joel Madden (Pisces) and Hilary Duff (Libra)
Monday, January 23, 2012
Thursday, December 22, 2011
He's Making His List & Checking It Twice
Ho, Ho, Ho...
Merry Christmas
Happy Hanukkah
Happy Kwanzaa
Happy New Year
As we wrap up 2011--and the last dreadful bout of Mercury retro (yeah, this one was a bitch, huh?)--we should all take time to reflect on how naughty, or nice, we were this year.
While we would all like to think of ourselves as little angels of love and light, Santa knows better. And he says:
Capricorn: you have done pretty well for yourself in 2011. Spreading the love and cheer has left you feeling positive and successful as the year comes to an end. Continue to focus on the positive while simultaneously avoiding the negative chatter in the background. Yes, it's true, your bright yellow shoes do NOT go with your black dress. You look like a damn bumble bee. But who cares? Those shoes look FABULOUS on you. Santa's Verdict: NICE.
Aquarius: honestly, you've been a pain in most people's ass this year. One part demanding, and two parts hypocritical, has left you suffering a bit in 2011 as you repair some of the damage you have done. Have no fear: your birthday is rolling around soon enough and people are obligated to like you again. And if they don't, well, you never have had a problem telling people to f**k off! Santa's Verdict: NAUGHTY.
Pisces: a few bumps in the road this year with your beloved has left you feeling a bit more introspective than usual, dear Pisces. And while the drug industry should make a pill for your depressive and dream-like moods (spoiler: they would make a killing in the market), you will survive just fine on your own as long as you stay away from the bottle or the street drugs. Focus on the positives and just chill out. It's not always as big a deal as you think it is. Santa's Verdict: NICE-ish.
Aries: anger management classes are on the rise. You should sign up. Really. This has been a whammy of a year for you with one drama after another. Whether you were left bothered and bewildered by friends, lovers, family, or coworkers, you definitely felt the bitter sting of rejection and/or disappointment. And now, you are ready for payback (if you haven't started it already). Just remember what Confucius said: "Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves." Santa's Verdict: NAUGHTY.
Taurus: well, hello there, smooth operator. Marvin Gaye AND Al Green are rocking your background music as you walk down the street. What a year it's been! Engaged, married, or finally in a committed relationship, 2011 has been stellar. If none of the above applied to your 2011, then at the very least, you made some significant decisions in your home base or professional path. Whatever you did, or are doing, things are working out quite nicely. And, as a bonus, YOU have been much nicer, too. Santa's Verdict: NICE.
Gemini: slow your roll, dear Gemini, you can only take so much success at one time. You have been in the spotlight this year with one accolade after another and the buzz on your personal (and professional) life has been non-stop. Whether you are loved or loathed pretty much depends on whom you're talking to. Your friends will always love you, and your enemies will always have their jealousy issues. Ignore the commentary you don't like, grab your twin by the hand, and continue to move forward with your goals. Santa's Verdict: NAUGHTY and NICE (one for each twin).
Cancer: OK, so here's the thing. You are a sensitive soul and crawl too often into that hard, protective shell of yours when you can't deal with the criticism or drama. We get that. The problem is, when you come OUT of your shell, you can be a real asshole. Sometimes, you gotta quit while you are ahead. Verbal diarrhea should be left to the Air signs in your life, not you. Make your point, then put a period at the end of it, and walk away. Don't start another paragraph, don't send another text, don't hit "reply" to that e-mail. Less is more. You KNOW that. Santa's Verdict: NAUGHTY.
Leo: damn, 2011 has been a rough ride, especially the second half of the year. Just when you thought you couldn't handle another crisis (health, work, family, lover, child, etc), WHAM, you got another one. You put on a brave face to the world, and then cried about it at night behind closed doors. You really do deserve a medal of honor for surviving it all. Your friends are proud of your inner strength. Santa's Verdict: TOO NICE.
Virgo: Santa and all his elves don't even know what to do with you. One moment you are nice and the next you are naughty. You struggle in deciding whether you want to play the role of Rudolph or the Grinch. It is messing with our minds. Pick a role: hero or villain. We won't judge you. We'll just be glad to finally figure you out, you fool. Santa's Verdict: CRAZY.
Libra: those scales of balance keep tipping away from your favor lately, and your moods are more volatile than the stock market. If you were a ship, you might feel as if you should be called the TITANIC...slowly sinking, but desperately looking for a life preserver. Deep breaths...release...repeat. Meditation would be good for you. Inner happiness can only be found, and achieved, with a firm foundation of self worth and esteem. Work on making yourself happy first and then you can continue with your critique of others. Santa's Verdict: 50% NAUGHTY and 50% NICE.
Scorpio: security is a wonderful feeling, even if everything feels a bit "up in the air." 2011 was a year of change and transformation for you, and you ended up on top every time. While you did have to whip out your stinger a few times to check people's 'tudes, you more or less kept it real and to yourself. As Heidi Klum would say, "Either you are in, or you are out." This mantra worked quite well for you in 2011. Carry on. Santa's Verdict: NICE.
Sagittarius: hello, wild child. I hope you started a blog for yourself this year. You had more than enough crazy stories to share with the world. Some of them made you look good. Others? Notsomuch. Who cares. Any press is good press, in your case. Making decisions in your best interest worked well for you, even if some of the people in your life thought you were a selfish ass. You can plead the fifth, this time. Santa can revisit his verdict of you in 2012. And for now? Santa's Verdict: WAIT-LISTED for NICE.
Merry Christmas
Happy Hanukkah
Happy Kwanzaa
Happy New Year
As we wrap up 2011--and the last dreadful bout of Mercury retro (yeah, this one was a bitch, huh?)--we should all take time to reflect on how naughty, or nice, we were this year.
While we would all like to think of ourselves as little angels of love and light, Santa knows better. And he says:
Capricorn: you have done pretty well for yourself in 2011. Spreading the love and cheer has left you feeling positive and successful as the year comes to an end. Continue to focus on the positive while simultaneously avoiding the negative chatter in the background. Yes, it's true, your bright yellow shoes do NOT go with your black dress. You look like a damn bumble bee. But who cares? Those shoes look FABULOUS on you. Santa's Verdict: NICE.
Aquarius: honestly, you've been a pain in most people's ass this year. One part demanding, and two parts hypocritical, has left you suffering a bit in 2011 as you repair some of the damage you have done. Have no fear: your birthday is rolling around soon enough and people are obligated to like you again. And if they don't, well, you never have had a problem telling people to f**k off! Santa's Verdict: NAUGHTY.
Pisces: a few bumps in the road this year with your beloved has left you feeling a bit more introspective than usual, dear Pisces. And while the drug industry should make a pill for your depressive and dream-like moods (spoiler: they would make a killing in the market), you will survive just fine on your own as long as you stay away from the bottle or the street drugs. Focus on the positives and just chill out. It's not always as big a deal as you think it is. Santa's Verdict: NICE-ish.
Aries: anger management classes are on the rise. You should sign up. Really. This has been a whammy of a year for you with one drama after another. Whether you were left bothered and bewildered by friends, lovers, family, or coworkers, you definitely felt the bitter sting of rejection and/or disappointment. And now, you are ready for payback (if you haven't started it already). Just remember what Confucius said: "Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves." Santa's Verdict: NAUGHTY.
Taurus: well, hello there, smooth operator. Marvin Gaye AND Al Green are rocking your background music as you walk down the street. What a year it's been! Engaged, married, or finally in a committed relationship, 2011 has been stellar. If none of the above applied to your 2011, then at the very least, you made some significant decisions in your home base or professional path. Whatever you did, or are doing, things are working out quite nicely. And, as a bonus, YOU have been much nicer, too. Santa's Verdict: NICE.
Gemini: slow your roll, dear Gemini, you can only take so much success at one time. You have been in the spotlight this year with one accolade after another and the buzz on your personal (and professional) life has been non-stop. Whether you are loved or loathed pretty much depends on whom you're talking to. Your friends will always love you, and your enemies will always have their jealousy issues. Ignore the commentary you don't like, grab your twin by the hand, and continue to move forward with your goals. Santa's Verdict: NAUGHTY and NICE (one for each twin).
Cancer: OK, so here's the thing. You are a sensitive soul and crawl too often into that hard, protective shell of yours when you can't deal with the criticism or drama. We get that. The problem is, when you come OUT of your shell, you can be a real asshole. Sometimes, you gotta quit while you are ahead. Verbal diarrhea should be left to the Air signs in your life, not you. Make your point, then put a period at the end of it, and walk away. Don't start another paragraph, don't send another text, don't hit "reply" to that e-mail. Less is more. You KNOW that. Santa's Verdict: NAUGHTY.
Leo: damn, 2011 has been a rough ride, especially the second half of the year. Just when you thought you couldn't handle another crisis (health, work, family, lover, child, etc), WHAM, you got another one. You put on a brave face to the world, and then cried about it at night behind closed doors. You really do deserve a medal of honor for surviving it all. Your friends are proud of your inner strength. Santa's Verdict: TOO NICE.
Virgo: Santa and all his elves don't even know what to do with you. One moment you are nice and the next you are naughty. You struggle in deciding whether you want to play the role of Rudolph or the Grinch. It is messing with our minds. Pick a role: hero or villain. We won't judge you. We'll just be glad to finally figure you out, you fool. Santa's Verdict: CRAZY.
Libra: those scales of balance keep tipping away from your favor lately, and your moods are more volatile than the stock market. If you were a ship, you might feel as if you should be called the TITANIC...slowly sinking, but desperately looking for a life preserver. Deep breaths...release...repeat. Meditation would be good for you. Inner happiness can only be found, and achieved, with a firm foundation of self worth and esteem. Work on making yourself happy first and then you can continue with your critique of others. Santa's Verdict: 50% NAUGHTY and 50% NICE.
Scorpio: security is a wonderful feeling, even if everything feels a bit "up in the air." 2011 was a year of change and transformation for you, and you ended up on top every time. While you did have to whip out your stinger a few times to check people's 'tudes, you more or less kept it real and to yourself. As Heidi Klum would say, "Either you are in, or you are out." This mantra worked quite well for you in 2011. Carry on. Santa's Verdict: NICE.
Sagittarius: hello, wild child. I hope you started a blog for yourself this year. You had more than enough crazy stories to share with the world. Some of them made you look good. Others? Notsomuch. Who cares. Any press is good press, in your case. Making decisions in your best interest worked well for you, even if some of the people in your life thought you were a selfish ass. You can plead the fifth, this time. Santa can revisit his verdict of you in 2012. And for now? Santa's Verdict: WAIT-LISTED for NICE.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Throw Me a Bone. Or Should I Just Chew On It?
Call your local congressman or woman, post flyers around your city or town, or tell it to the mountain. Our cities our dirty. As in, Xtina dirty.
Typically, trash on the street doesn't bother me. In fact, I can easily find it charming. How else would I enjoy NYC, DC, or even Paris, if there wasn't a little bit of trash to smell it up?
But I'll tell you who really LOVES the lack of waste control.
Our dogs.
There's nothing quite like owning a four-legged friend to force you to look down while you walk on the streets. If I had a dollar every time I heard an exasperated owner yell "LEAVE IT!" while their dog chewed on something foul from the corner of the block, well, I could probably afford to clean up the city myself.
But here's the odd thing. I get that there are papers & napkins, the occasional half eaten pizza that you ordered at 4am after boozin' it up the night before, the bread crumbs thrown courtesy of the crazy bird lady, or the old cigarette butt you discarded when you were reminded that smoking gives you lung cancer. What I fail to understand is how CHICKEN BONES make their way to the street. Did the chicken get hit, plucked, cooked, and eaten while crossing the road?
I am sure all the dog owners reading this blog right now are nodding in disgust. You know what I mean. And dogs go for them faster than you can say "SQUIRREL." What's worse is trying to remove that damn bone from their mouth. Who can blame them? I am sure they taste better than packaged dry food.
So, with Thanksgiving fastly approaching, I wonder: how many more bones will my dog find? And how much anti-bacterial lotion should I bring with me on my dog walks after I wrest the discarded bone from my dog's mouth?
And, more importantly, what the hell? I mean, it's random, but it's rampant. From Philly, to NY, to DC, and even Boston, all my fellow dog friends know my plight. As we all talked about what we do when chicken bone meets Fido, my overactive astro mind started wondering:
What would your sign do?
Clearly, a Capricorn would see this as an investment opportunity. For XX amount of dollars a week, they would start a service to either dump more chicken bones for our dogs (like a weekly Easter egg hunt, if you will), or, conversely, start a service to clean them up (I vote for the latter, clearly) and have the dog owners pay a nominal collection fee. Point is, this would become a profitable operation under a Capricorn.
Your typical Aquarius would start ranting about the inefficiencies of our local government and start campaigning agianst the chicken bones and the damage that pollution does to our society and our dog's well-being.
Pisces would probably philosophize about how the bone even came to be and would deduce that the dog has some sort of psychological disorder that can be cured with a new toy or a cooked chicken dinner.
I am not sure what Aries would do. Probably fight the bone? Fight the dog FOR the bone? Would an Aries even SEE the bone? After all, it's hard to stoop to the pavement when your ego is in the clouds.
Taurus would probably do some kind of artistic drawing of this whole scenario, or research real estate areas that have the lowest rates of reported chicken bones per block and move there. After all, there is always an opportunity lurking as an investment for the future.
Gemini would probably hop around in frightened disgust about the whole ordeal (thus getting the dog even more excited) and turn it into a game of 'who gets the bone first.' And then, they would blog about it.
Cancer would start thinking about how long it has been since they last ate a chicken seeing as their worth-for-sh*t digestive system doesn't allow them to eat anything other than hot water with lemon and stir fried tofu.
Leo wouldn't probably even walk their dog--they have a nanny or dog walker for that. Also, most Leos have cats (stay tuned for my upcoming blog about why all Leo men prefer...well, you know).
Virgo wouldn't dare touch the bone. They may be neat freaks, but they won't get their hands dirty. If they do manage to grab the bone, they would probably spend the rest of the day disinfecting themselves or going to the hospital for some kind of rabies shot or screening.
Libra? Libra would be too busy flirting with that cute man or woman on the street to even notice the bone in their dog's mouth.
Scorpio wouldn't give a damn...after all, history has always shown dogs with a bone in their mouth, so who really cares? Until that dog's mysterious death is turned into an episode of CSI: Dog Unit, or the dog's ghost haunts them at night, this is an insignificant matter.
And Sagittarius? Ha. Sag would probably take this as a sign to belly up to the nearest bar and order chicken wings and watch the game on TV with a cold beer--you know, to sober up from the night before. On the plus side, they probably know which bars allow dogs, so Fido will at least be able to join in on the fun.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
(PS, Mercury goes retro from November 24-December 14.)
Typically, trash on the street doesn't bother me. In fact, I can easily find it charming. How else would I enjoy NYC, DC, or even Paris, if there wasn't a little bit of trash to smell it up?
But I'll tell you who really LOVES the lack of waste control.
Our dogs.
There's nothing quite like owning a four-legged friend to force you to look down while you walk on the streets. If I had a dollar every time I heard an exasperated owner yell "LEAVE IT!" while their dog chewed on something foul from the corner of the block, well, I could probably afford to clean up the city myself.
But here's the odd thing. I get that there are papers & napkins, the occasional half eaten pizza that you ordered at 4am after boozin' it up the night before, the bread crumbs thrown courtesy of the crazy bird lady, or the old cigarette butt you discarded when you were reminded that smoking gives you lung cancer. What I fail to understand is how CHICKEN BONES make their way to the street. Did the chicken get hit, plucked, cooked, and eaten while crossing the road?
I am sure all the dog owners reading this blog right now are nodding in disgust. You know what I mean. And dogs go for them faster than you can say "SQUIRREL." What's worse is trying to remove that damn bone from their mouth. Who can blame them? I am sure they taste better than packaged dry food.
So, with Thanksgiving fastly approaching, I wonder: how many more bones will my dog find? And how much anti-bacterial lotion should I bring with me on my dog walks after I wrest the discarded bone from my dog's mouth?
And, more importantly, what the hell? I mean, it's random, but it's rampant. From Philly, to NY, to DC, and even Boston, all my fellow dog friends know my plight. As we all talked about what we do when chicken bone meets Fido, my overactive astro mind started wondering:
What would your sign do?
Clearly, a Capricorn would see this as an investment opportunity. For XX amount of dollars a week, they would start a service to either dump more chicken bones for our dogs (like a weekly Easter egg hunt, if you will), or, conversely, start a service to clean them up (I vote for the latter, clearly) and have the dog owners pay a nominal collection fee. Point is, this would become a profitable operation under a Capricorn.
Your typical Aquarius would start ranting about the inefficiencies of our local government and start campaigning agianst the chicken bones and the damage that pollution does to our society and our dog's well-being.
Pisces would probably philosophize about how the bone even came to be and would deduce that the dog has some sort of psychological disorder that can be cured with a new toy or a cooked chicken dinner.
I am not sure what Aries would do. Probably fight the bone? Fight the dog FOR the bone? Would an Aries even SEE the bone? After all, it's hard to stoop to the pavement when your ego is in the clouds.
Taurus would probably do some kind of artistic drawing of this whole scenario, or research real estate areas that have the lowest rates of reported chicken bones per block and move there. After all, there is always an opportunity lurking as an investment for the future.
Gemini would probably hop around in frightened disgust about the whole ordeal (thus getting the dog even more excited) and turn it into a game of 'who gets the bone first.' And then, they would blog about it.
Cancer would start thinking about how long it has been since they last ate a chicken seeing as their worth-for-sh*t digestive system doesn't allow them to eat anything other than hot water with lemon and stir fried tofu.
Leo wouldn't probably even walk their dog--they have a nanny or dog walker for that. Also, most Leos have cats (stay tuned for my upcoming blog about why all Leo men prefer...well, you know).
Virgo wouldn't dare touch the bone. They may be neat freaks, but they won't get their hands dirty. If they do manage to grab the bone, they would probably spend the rest of the day disinfecting themselves or going to the hospital for some kind of rabies shot or screening.
Libra? Libra would be too busy flirting with that cute man or woman on the street to even notice the bone in their dog's mouth.
Scorpio wouldn't give a damn...after all, history has always shown dogs with a bone in their mouth, so who really cares? Until that dog's mysterious death is turned into an episode of CSI: Dog Unit, or the dog's ghost haunts them at night, this is an insignificant matter.
And Sagittarius? Ha. Sag would probably take this as a sign to belly up to the nearest bar and order chicken wings and watch the game on TV with a cold beer--you know, to sober up from the night before. On the plus side, they probably know which bars allow dogs, so Fido will at least be able to join in on the fun.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
(PS, Mercury goes retro from November 24-December 14.)
Monday, November 7, 2011
Don't Hate the Sign, Hate the Player
It's hard to let go of a grudge (reference: Team Jolie vs Team Aniston). So when you combine a grudge with an ex, and throw in a dash of a sign, you have a recipe for a disease that I like to call "Irritable Sign Syndrome."
This past week, I spent a lot of time catching up with my favorite girlfriends over drinks. And the topic that never fails to bring itself to the table is that of ex boyfriends, or the ones we wish we got a chance to date. It turns out that most women have a Mr. Big. And it also turns out that, spoiler alert, most of us don't end up with ours a la Carrie Bradshaw. Mr. Big Sexy--after years of disappointment and lack of follow-through--suddenly becomes Mr. Big Loser (whom, I should add, we still kinda sorta want to be with). He wasn't worth our heart, and I'm not quite sure he is worth that 3rd round of cocktails we ordered on our tab, but maybe we'll get back together again after all--when we are a bit more sober.
But the most interesting part? (Well, for me at least.) Women mourn the ex and sorta want him back, but they hold Mr. Big Loser's astro sign hostage for all future men. So in the midst of the standard lingo "he just always f**ked it up" or "he never failed to disappoint me" or "he rejected me, so why do I still want him?", every.single.time. I ask "so what was his sign?" I get:
(Eye roll)
(Sigh)
(Look of utter disgust and contempt)
"He was a __________." (Insert sign of Mr. Big Loser here.)
Huh. Interesting. I got the appropriate negative response out of asking his sign, but if I ask "So, how do you feel about him now?" I get:
(Eye roll)
(Sigh)
(Look of utter disgust and contempt mingled with sadness, lust, and romantic pining)
"I don't know. I think about him all the time, and I keep wanting to contact him. He is going through a bad time, his work has been busy, and he just went through a bad break-up. He's got a lot on his plate, so maybe I need to be more understanding."
HUH?
So let me get this straight: the sign of your Mr. Big Loser is NOT off the hook? But Mr. Big himself is...Prince Tortured Charming?
Fact is fact, and that is this: if your Prince Tortured Charming is a Scorpio, then maybe you just have a thing for Scorpio men. Dark and twisty works for a lot of people, you know. And maybe, just maybe, the next Scorpio guy you meet in a bar will be The One?
At this moment, my readers may be giving me:
(Eye roll)
(Sigh)
(Snort)
"Get real. Only in your programmed Disney meets Sex and the Astro City mind. I am NEVER dating a Scorpio again. Hey, wasn't Charles Manson a Scorpio? Yeah, that sign is messed up. Shoulda known better. More drinks, please!"
But just like the urban myth, I can attest this is true. So, for your next round of cocktails with your girls (or boys), when the subject of "The One Who Got Away" inevitably comes up, you can tell them that you heard from a friend of a friend that her friend once spent years dating the wrong man. He was a Libra. They went through every possible rollercoaster, and even stepped up to the engagement plate a few times. Needless to say, they punted or fouled every time they took a swing. It was on, then it was off, then girl moved away, then guy tried to follow her. Long story short (<--too late?): they broke up. She bemused that perhaps her Gemini self wasn't meant to be with a Libra, even though all the astro books she read said differently. Well, and you probably see where this is going, a year later, she met her real Prince. And guess what? He is a Libra. And after 4 months of dating, he proposed and she said yes.
Good thing she didn't remove that Libra tattoo after all.
And they lived Happily Ever After.
This past week, I spent a lot of time catching up with my favorite girlfriends over drinks. And the topic that never fails to bring itself to the table is that of ex boyfriends, or the ones we wish we got a chance to date. It turns out that most women have a Mr. Big. And it also turns out that, spoiler alert, most of us don't end up with ours a la Carrie Bradshaw. Mr. Big Sexy--after years of disappointment and lack of follow-through--suddenly becomes Mr. Big Loser (whom, I should add, we still kinda sorta want to be with). He wasn't worth our heart, and I'm not quite sure he is worth that 3rd round of cocktails we ordered on our tab, but maybe we'll get back together again after all--when we are a bit more sober.
But the most interesting part? (Well, for me at least.) Women mourn the ex and sorta want him back, but they hold Mr. Big Loser's astro sign hostage for all future men. So in the midst of the standard lingo "he just always f**ked it up" or "he never failed to disappoint me" or "he rejected me, so why do I still want him?", every.single.time. I ask "so what was his sign?" I get:
(Eye roll)
(Sigh)
(Look of utter disgust and contempt)
"He was a __________." (Insert sign of Mr. Big Loser here.)
Huh. Interesting. I got the appropriate negative response out of asking his sign, but if I ask "So, how do you feel about him now?" I get:
(Eye roll)
(Sigh)
(Look of utter disgust and contempt mingled with sadness, lust, and romantic pining)
"I don't know. I think about him all the time, and I keep wanting to contact him. He is going through a bad time, his work has been busy, and he just went through a bad break-up. He's got a lot on his plate, so maybe I need to be more understanding."
HUH?
So let me get this straight: the sign of your Mr. Big Loser is NOT off the hook? But Mr. Big himself is...Prince Tortured Charming?
Fact is fact, and that is this: if your Prince Tortured Charming is a Scorpio, then maybe you just have a thing for Scorpio men. Dark and twisty works for a lot of people, you know. And maybe, just maybe, the next Scorpio guy you meet in a bar will be The One?
At this moment, my readers may be giving me:
(Eye roll)
(Sigh)
(Snort)
"Get real. Only in your programmed Disney meets Sex and the Astro City mind. I am NEVER dating a Scorpio again. Hey, wasn't Charles Manson a Scorpio? Yeah, that sign is messed up. Shoulda known better. More drinks, please!"
But just like the urban myth, I can attest this is true. So, for your next round of cocktails with your girls (or boys), when the subject of "The One Who Got Away" inevitably comes up, you can tell them that you heard from a friend of a friend that her friend once spent years dating the wrong man. He was a Libra. They went through every possible rollercoaster, and even stepped up to the engagement plate a few times. Needless to say, they punted or fouled every time they took a swing. It was on, then it was off, then girl moved away, then guy tried to follow her. Long story short (<--too late?): they broke up. She bemused that perhaps her Gemini self wasn't meant to be with a Libra, even though all the astro books she read said differently. Well, and you probably see where this is going, a year later, she met her real Prince. And guess what? He is a Libra. And after 4 months of dating, he proposed and she said yes.
Good thing she didn't remove that Libra tattoo after all.
And they lived Happily Ever After.
Friday, June 24, 2011
All I Wanna Do, Is Have Some Fun...
Since the sun is plenty up on the Santa Monica Boulevard, we are all in the mood for hitting the beach, pressing the DONE button at work (as if you are doing any, anyways), and having a little bit of romantic fun along the way.
Dating seriously? Well, what better way to get more serious than taking a long, or short, weekend trip together? Whether your poison is beach or mountains, a few days with the one you love is a great way to take one step forward, or realize you should be taking two steps back.
Dating un-seriously? Nothing wrong with keeping your options open, especially with your busy summer plans getting in the way of keeping any long standing commitments. Play the field, rub some suntan lotion on the one you lust, and see where the summer wind takes you.
Dating only in your dreams? What the hell are you waiting for? Get online, go outside for a walk/run/bike ride and enjoy the weather, invite yourself to as many BBQs as possible, enjoy outdoor happy hour patios, etc. This is the time to meet someone new and enjoy how fabulous they look in a tan with their toned body. Because, let's be honest, when fall/winter arrives, people go pasty white and don't frequent the gym or stick to their diet as much as they do during summer.
So, how do you go about snagging the sign, I mean, person, you want? Here are a few quick suggestions on how to snag a:
Capricorn: tell them how you won a free trip to an island, all expenses paid, at an exclusive resort with half naked cabana boys (or girls). They love the adventure of travelling somewhere new, tropical, and "luxurious", but more importantly, they love the fact it is free.
Aquarius: tell them you just volunteered at a local animal shelter to walk dogs in the park and play with them, which fits in nicely with your schedule as a freelance musician. Invite them to listen to your next concert, where you plan on singing a special song written for them...and the dog you just rescued.
Pisces: tell them that your bucket list includes a worldwide spiritual tour, starting with hiking around Joshua Tree, then hitting up Machu Picchu before landing in Hong Kong to visit Tian Tan Buddha, hopping over to India to stay at an ashram, and ending with a visit to the Vatican in Rome. Conclude that you plan on probably being high the entire time, and most likely slightly drunk.
Aries: tell them you plan on sleeping with them before the night is through ONLY if they are on their best behavior. This is not only guaranteed to bring about a lot of witty sexual banter and laughter, but it will be fun to see what they think "best behavior" actually means. And if you want to keep them around for longer, here's a hint: don't sleep with them that first night. Tell them their behavior is still subject to review and consideration.
Taurus: tell them that you often fantasize about rolling around in dark chocolate mud, floating in a tub of champagne, or giving massages with edible oils. Don't forget to mention you are a certified massage therapist and received your license in China...
Gemini: tell them that the one who runs the fastest to the bed is not going to be the biggest loser and then challenge them to a game of dirty Apples to Apples or Monopoly. When you find out that their house is actually ON Park Avenue, mention that they can pass go and collect...you.
Cancer: tell them you know a really great romantic spot on the beach, secluded from the public view, where you can have crazy sex all night long under the moonlight. Yeah, it's corny, and your Cancer will know it, too, but hell, they want to get laid.
Leo: tell them you think foreplay is NOT overrated and proceed to explain to them why. Spoiler alert: no need to prepare a formal presentation or speech for this. Actions always speak louder than words.
Virgo: tell them that you don't understand why it is that you come off so pure, and yet, are into crazy, freaky sex behind closed doors. Grab their hand, pull them to the exit, and be sure to wear clean, matching underwear. When you finally get them to your bedroom, be sure to point out your 450-thread count duvet and recently polished wood floors and vacuumed carpets. Ohh, baby...
Libra: tell them that you are learning everything there is to know about the romance languages, the art of romance, and the pursuit of it. Mention you also took a course in erotica and it inspired you to start taking pole dancing classes. If they want to learn more about working the pole, you just so happen to have one installed in your bedroom.
Scorpio: tell them that you just watched the E! True Hollywood Story on Sting and Trudy and are inspired by their tantric sex rituals and wonder if it really does work? Then casually mention you have the next 24 hours free to find out...
Sagittarius: tell them you just won an entire case of wine from a renowned vineyard and don't have the foggiest idea how to drink it all. Invite them over for a wine tasting and put on CNN in the background for political coverage. Once you start fighting about politics over alcohol, your Sag will be so turned on that Anderson Cooper's 360 will have a whole new meaning.
Dating seriously? Well, what better way to get more serious than taking a long, or short, weekend trip together? Whether your poison is beach or mountains, a few days with the one you love is a great way to take one step forward, or realize you should be taking two steps back.
Dating un-seriously? Nothing wrong with keeping your options open, especially with your busy summer plans getting in the way of keeping any long standing commitments. Play the field, rub some suntan lotion on the one you lust, and see where the summer wind takes you.
Dating only in your dreams? What the hell are you waiting for? Get online, go outside for a walk/run/bike ride and enjoy the weather, invite yourself to as many BBQs as possible, enjoy outdoor happy hour patios, etc. This is the time to meet someone new and enjoy how fabulous they look in a tan with their toned body. Because, let's be honest, when fall/winter arrives, people go pasty white and don't frequent the gym or stick to their diet as much as they do during summer.
So, how do you go about snagging the sign, I mean, person, you want? Here are a few quick suggestions on how to snag a:
Capricorn: tell them how you won a free trip to an island, all expenses paid, at an exclusive resort with half naked cabana boys (or girls). They love the adventure of travelling somewhere new, tropical, and "luxurious", but more importantly, they love the fact it is free.
Aquarius: tell them you just volunteered at a local animal shelter to walk dogs in the park and play with them, which fits in nicely with your schedule as a freelance musician. Invite them to listen to your next concert, where you plan on singing a special song written for them...and the dog you just rescued.
Pisces: tell them that your bucket list includes a worldwide spiritual tour, starting with hiking around Joshua Tree, then hitting up Machu Picchu before landing in Hong Kong to visit Tian Tan Buddha, hopping over to India to stay at an ashram, and ending with a visit to the Vatican in Rome. Conclude that you plan on probably being high the entire time, and most likely slightly drunk.
Aries: tell them you plan on sleeping with them before the night is through ONLY if they are on their best behavior. This is not only guaranteed to bring about a lot of witty sexual banter and laughter, but it will be fun to see what they think "best behavior" actually means. And if you want to keep them around for longer, here's a hint: don't sleep with them that first night. Tell them their behavior is still subject to review and consideration.
Taurus: tell them that you often fantasize about rolling around in dark chocolate mud, floating in a tub of champagne, or giving massages with edible oils. Don't forget to mention you are a certified massage therapist and received your license in China...
Gemini: tell them that the one who runs the fastest to the bed is not going to be the biggest loser and then challenge them to a game of dirty Apples to Apples or Monopoly. When you find out that their house is actually ON Park Avenue, mention that they can pass go and collect...you.
Cancer: tell them you know a really great romantic spot on the beach, secluded from the public view, where you can have crazy sex all night long under the moonlight. Yeah, it's corny, and your Cancer will know it, too, but hell, they want to get laid.
Leo: tell them you think foreplay is NOT overrated and proceed to explain to them why. Spoiler alert: no need to prepare a formal presentation or speech for this. Actions always speak louder than words.
Virgo: tell them that you don't understand why it is that you come off so pure, and yet, are into crazy, freaky sex behind closed doors. Grab their hand, pull them to the exit, and be sure to wear clean, matching underwear. When you finally get them to your bedroom, be sure to point out your 450-thread count duvet and recently polished wood floors and vacuumed carpets. Ohh, baby...
Libra: tell them that you are learning everything there is to know about the romance languages, the art of romance, and the pursuit of it. Mention you also took a course in erotica and it inspired you to start taking pole dancing classes. If they want to learn more about working the pole, you just so happen to have one installed in your bedroom.
Scorpio: tell them that you just watched the E! True Hollywood Story on Sting and Trudy and are inspired by their tantric sex rituals and wonder if it really does work? Then casually mention you have the next 24 hours free to find out...
Sagittarius: tell them you just won an entire case of wine from a renowned vineyard and don't have the foggiest idea how to drink it all. Invite them over for a wine tasting and put on CNN in the background for political coverage. Once you start fighting about politics over alcohol, your Sag will be so turned on that Anderson Cooper's 360 will have a whole new meaning.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Forward-Thinking Planets
At the near-halfway point of 2011, we are now able to start planning for what we want the rest of the year to look like in both our personal and professional lives. 2011 certainly has NOT been a piece of cake. For one, it is a 4-year in Numerology (2+0+1+1 = 4), and a 4-year is notorious for slow change, slow progress, and built up stress and frustration. One only has to look at the events in the news today, political or otherwise, to see how the vibrations of this 4-year are affecting us.
But what else is at play? Two major factors:
1) Our favorite planet, Mercury, has been retrograde since the end of March and is finally about to start moving forward as of Saturday, April 23. Since we just got out of Mercury retro at the very end of December 2010, it feels like Mercury has been messing up our lives a lot in the past 6 months! The good news is that we have until August 3 before we get to experience Mercury's prankster-ways yet again. Be sure to plan wisely when it comes to summer vacation. If you are thinking about booking travel now, it would be wise to hold off until next week (or 2 weeks, to be honest) if you want to ensure avoiding delays or cancellations. If you plan to go somewhere this summer, circle the calendar month of August with a notice to yourself "Proceed with Caution!" This is not to say that you shouldn't enjoy a vacation in August, but I AM saying to be careful when traveling in the beginning of the month, and around August 19-25.
2) Our least favorite planet, Saturn, aka "the Grim Reaper" or "You owe me karmic debt, with interest" is back in Libra since July 2010. And sad news folks, it will be in Libra until October 2012. This means that your relationships--personal and professional--will be evaluated, challenged, and strengthened (maybe) ad nauseam. Even though it is challenging to go through this period of influx in all your life relationships, it is a necessary, therapeutic process. The fact is that Saturn eliminates the bullshit from your life. Relationships that are no longer right for you, or that are meant to strengthen your own personal resolve, need to be faced head-on. If you play your cards (and planets) correctly, you will emerge from this period stronger and wiser, and surrounded with relationships that are most beneficial to you. Saturn doesn't want you to play it safe, or stay with people who are destructive to you. Let Saturn do his magic, even if it seems tough at first! The good news is that Saturn won't return in Libra for another 30 years, so use this time wisely. If you are in the age range of 27-32, plus or minus 2 years on both ends, Saturn will affect you the most. If you are in the age range of 28-30, it will affect you the greatest as Saturn was in Libra when you were first born, meaning that you are now paying up your first round of karmic debt to your parental Saturn figure.
Luckily, Saturn won't wreck havoc on your summer vacation plans like Mercury will, but it may affect who you spend that vacation with!
Speaking of vacations, with everything that is happening in the world today, and with the tense vibrations of a 4-year on us, it would be wise to take some much-needed time off. Here are some suggestions:
Capricorn: time to visit an exotic land that you have never been to before. That way, you can experience new foods and culture, while also exercising your artistic photography skills AND utilize your love for walking/exercise.
Aquarius: nerves a little frayed (usual), you would do well to consider a more relaxing vacation, like a small beach town (think the Cape) or an island where you can relax, but also take in some soulful views (think the Virgin Islands).
Pisces: it's time to do something a little wacky. You love the water, so why not hit up a beach or island where you can take up some jet ski lessons, scuba diving, hang gliding, or sailing? The key is to mix in some kind of physical activity with the water. You need a tan and some fresh salt air to rebalance yourself.
Aries: routine is really beginning to take its toll on you. You need a change of scenery (permanently, more likely), but if you can't move residences or change your job just yet, consider taking a well-planned road trip throughout the country, maybe mixing in your hot spots with concerts you have been wanting to go to, restaurants you have read about, or designer discount outlets that you can hit up.
Taurus: nothing says rejuvenation (and "Happy Birthday!") like a retreat spa where you can be coddled, pampered, and loved. Think of soft breezes in the morning while having a luxurious massage, spending the afternoon playing golf or meditating or vineyard hopping, and the evenings eating delicious (and healthy) food. Let your hair down and take your shoes off! Go skinny dipping in the lake--you know that is on your bucket list.
Gemini: many of you have been experiencing some great moments this year, from pregnancy to new love to professional accolades for all your work. While you may be busy, you are damn happy with how things are going. Since you always need to be learning something new, take a vacation where you need to challenge yourself in some way. Never been hiking or kayaking? Do it! Never just sat on the beach and relaxed for several days? Do it! Never been sailing? Do it! The point is, do something different, somewhere different, and keep on pushing out all the positive energy and momentum you have created so far!
Cancer: it's time to take a mental cooling off period. Too much work and not enough play is taking its toll on you, dear Crab! Force yourself to take time off work and just chill out near the ocean or lakes (anywhere with water). But unlike your fellow Pisces, don't engage in any strenuous activity. Just be calm and still. Go to a spiritual retreat, meditate, detox your body with healthier food regimes, get massages, and just breathe deeply. You can't make good decisions with a polluted mind and spirit.
Leo: it's been a helluva year for you. Stress is not your best friend, despite your current thinking that it has become one. Physically run down, emotionally overwhelmed, and mentally stressed, you need a release. I would say go to a sex retreat, but you probably have already thought of that. Fact is, you are unsatisfied right now and you feel professionally stuck. It may help to go spend time with your family (which may be a point of stress, too) to feel grounded or resolve some turmoil in your life. Once you can clear out some of your issues, you will be better able to plan a fun vacation. Anything that involves sun and good food should make you happy. Even if it is just a simple trip to Florida, do it.
Virgo: you may be winning the award for "not happy right now AT ALL" and you deserve it. A string of bad luck has been pulling you in all various directions and you don't like it one bit. Stop over-analyzing things and write down a list of what's bothering you. One by one, start coming up with solutions to your issues. There IS a solution to every one of them, even if it is a tough solution. You like cleaning out the clutter in your life (which is why you tend to invite drama--it gives you a new challenge to fix). Once this list has been made, and plans implemented, give yourself a well-earned week off of work. Even if you just stay at home and read a good book, or go to a spot a few hours away from home, it would be wise to do it on your own and get some much needed "me" therapy.
Libra: time for new beginnings! Go visit a foreign country, go to New York City and check out the new fashions, book a cruise. You need something fun, airy, with no strings attached. Some of you are entering a more structured routine/phase towards the 2nd half of the year, so use this current free time to really enjoy yourself. Only allow yourself experiences where a lot of laughter, dancing, and wine (beer or champagne) are involved.
Scorpio: you are exiting a period of intense work and are already seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Start thinking of where that tunnel leads you...a new home? a mountain vista? a beach getaway? Wherever it is, go with the person you love and engage in some sensual tantric sex. Scorpios need to rejuvenate and release their stress before it gets buried in deep and self destructs. Take advantage of early discounts on beach villas, mountain cabins, or European airfare.
Sagittarius: when are you NOT thinking of your next adventure? As a lover of foreign lands, it is time to look into something new, different...and possibly a bit "dangerous." Don't be afraid (as if!) to consider an African safari, a tour of the Egyptian pyramids, or an Asian adventure. Sitting on a beach, or on a patio overlooking the mountains, is NOT going to cut it for you. What would James Bond do? That's your answer.
But what else is at play? Two major factors:
1) Our favorite planet, Mercury, has been retrograde since the end of March and is finally about to start moving forward as of Saturday, April 23. Since we just got out of Mercury retro at the very end of December 2010, it feels like Mercury has been messing up our lives a lot in the past 6 months! The good news is that we have until August 3 before we get to experience Mercury's prankster-ways yet again. Be sure to plan wisely when it comes to summer vacation. If you are thinking about booking travel now, it would be wise to hold off until next week (or 2 weeks, to be honest) if you want to ensure avoiding delays or cancellations. If you plan to go somewhere this summer, circle the calendar month of August with a notice to yourself "Proceed with Caution!" This is not to say that you shouldn't enjoy a vacation in August, but I AM saying to be careful when traveling in the beginning of the month, and around August 19-25.
2) Our least favorite planet, Saturn, aka "the Grim Reaper" or "You owe me karmic debt, with interest" is back in Libra since July 2010. And sad news folks, it will be in Libra until October 2012. This means that your relationships--personal and professional--will be evaluated, challenged, and strengthened (maybe) ad nauseam. Even though it is challenging to go through this period of influx in all your life relationships, it is a necessary, therapeutic process. The fact is that Saturn eliminates the bullshit from your life. Relationships that are no longer right for you, or that are meant to strengthen your own personal resolve, need to be faced head-on. If you play your cards (and planets) correctly, you will emerge from this period stronger and wiser, and surrounded with relationships that are most beneficial to you. Saturn doesn't want you to play it safe, or stay with people who are destructive to you. Let Saturn do his magic, even if it seems tough at first! The good news is that Saturn won't return in Libra for another 30 years, so use this time wisely. If you are in the age range of 27-32, plus or minus 2 years on both ends, Saturn will affect you the most. If you are in the age range of 28-30, it will affect you the greatest as Saturn was in Libra when you were first born, meaning that you are now paying up your first round of karmic debt to your parental Saturn figure.
Luckily, Saturn won't wreck havoc on your summer vacation plans like Mercury will, but it may affect who you spend that vacation with!
Speaking of vacations, with everything that is happening in the world today, and with the tense vibrations of a 4-year on us, it would be wise to take some much-needed time off. Here are some suggestions:
Capricorn: time to visit an exotic land that you have never been to before. That way, you can experience new foods and culture, while also exercising your artistic photography skills AND utilize your love for walking/exercise.
Aquarius: nerves a little frayed (usual), you would do well to consider a more relaxing vacation, like a small beach town (think the Cape) or an island where you can relax, but also take in some soulful views (think the Virgin Islands).
Pisces: it's time to do something a little wacky. You love the water, so why not hit up a beach or island where you can take up some jet ski lessons, scuba diving, hang gliding, or sailing? The key is to mix in some kind of physical activity with the water. You need a tan and some fresh salt air to rebalance yourself.
Aries: routine is really beginning to take its toll on you. You need a change of scenery (permanently, more likely), but if you can't move residences or change your job just yet, consider taking a well-planned road trip throughout the country, maybe mixing in your hot spots with concerts you have been wanting to go to, restaurants you have read about, or designer discount outlets that you can hit up.
Taurus: nothing says rejuvenation (and "Happy Birthday!") like a retreat spa where you can be coddled, pampered, and loved. Think of soft breezes in the morning while having a luxurious massage, spending the afternoon playing golf or meditating or vineyard hopping, and the evenings eating delicious (and healthy) food. Let your hair down and take your shoes off! Go skinny dipping in the lake--you know that is on your bucket list.
Gemini: many of you have been experiencing some great moments this year, from pregnancy to new love to professional accolades for all your work. While you may be busy, you are damn happy with how things are going. Since you always need to be learning something new, take a vacation where you need to challenge yourself in some way. Never been hiking or kayaking? Do it! Never just sat on the beach and relaxed for several days? Do it! Never been sailing? Do it! The point is, do something different, somewhere different, and keep on pushing out all the positive energy and momentum you have created so far!
Cancer: it's time to take a mental cooling off period. Too much work and not enough play is taking its toll on you, dear Crab! Force yourself to take time off work and just chill out near the ocean or lakes (anywhere with water). But unlike your fellow Pisces, don't engage in any strenuous activity. Just be calm and still. Go to a spiritual retreat, meditate, detox your body with healthier food regimes, get massages, and just breathe deeply. You can't make good decisions with a polluted mind and spirit.
Leo: it's been a helluva year for you. Stress is not your best friend, despite your current thinking that it has become one. Physically run down, emotionally overwhelmed, and mentally stressed, you need a release. I would say go to a sex retreat, but you probably have already thought of that. Fact is, you are unsatisfied right now and you feel professionally stuck. It may help to go spend time with your family (which may be a point of stress, too) to feel grounded or resolve some turmoil in your life. Once you can clear out some of your issues, you will be better able to plan a fun vacation. Anything that involves sun and good food should make you happy. Even if it is just a simple trip to Florida, do it.
Virgo: you may be winning the award for "not happy right now AT ALL" and you deserve it. A string of bad luck has been pulling you in all various directions and you don't like it one bit. Stop over-analyzing things and write down a list of what's bothering you. One by one, start coming up with solutions to your issues. There IS a solution to every one of them, even if it is a tough solution. You like cleaning out the clutter in your life (which is why you tend to invite drama--it gives you a new challenge to fix). Once this list has been made, and plans implemented, give yourself a well-earned week off of work. Even if you just stay at home and read a good book, or go to a spot a few hours away from home, it would be wise to do it on your own and get some much needed "me" therapy.
Libra: time for new beginnings! Go visit a foreign country, go to New York City and check out the new fashions, book a cruise. You need something fun, airy, with no strings attached. Some of you are entering a more structured routine/phase towards the 2nd half of the year, so use this current free time to really enjoy yourself. Only allow yourself experiences where a lot of laughter, dancing, and wine (beer or champagne) are involved.
Scorpio: you are exiting a period of intense work and are already seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Start thinking of where that tunnel leads you...a new home? a mountain vista? a beach getaway? Wherever it is, go with the person you love and engage in some sensual tantric sex. Scorpios need to rejuvenate and release their stress before it gets buried in deep and self destructs. Take advantage of early discounts on beach villas, mountain cabins, or European airfare.
Sagittarius: when are you NOT thinking of your next adventure? As a lover of foreign lands, it is time to look into something new, different...and possibly a bit "dangerous." Don't be afraid (as if!) to consider an African safari, a tour of the Egyptian pyramids, or an Asian adventure. Sitting on a beach, or on a patio overlooking the mountains, is NOT going to cut it for you. What would James Bond do? That's your answer.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Reincarnating the Astro Wheel
Reincarnation:
1a: the action of reincarnating: the state of being reincarnated
1b: rebirth in new bodies or forms of life; especially: a rebirth of a soul in a new human body
2: a fresh embodiment
(Definition provided by Merriam Webster)
Reincarnation occurs when the soul or spirit comes back to life in a newborn body after death. The belief of this spiritual cycle of life and death is not exclusive to any one religion or geographical location, but it is a focal point within a majority of Eastern spiritual faiths--such as Buddhism, Hinduism, Jainism, and Sikhism--and regions. It was also a fundamental concept to some Greek philosophers and other non-Eastern religions, including Spiritism and Eckankar.
Where it does not [commonly] exist is within the religions of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. Certain groups within those religions do refer to it, however, such as the followers of Kabbalah.
Lately, the belief in reincarnation has become "popular" in Western culture, as evidenced by movies in mainstream Hollywood such as "Heaven Can Wait", "What Dreams May Come", "Defending Your Life", "Birth", etc., as well as books, songs, and even art.
In a recent book I read by Ann Brashares, "My Name is Memory", the main character, Daniel, is a character whose soul is reincarnated since 500 B.C. He retains the memories of all his lifetimes, and his soul remains the same as it shifts from body to body after death and before his next life. At one point in the book, Daniel speculates--briefly--on the lack of plausibility in astrology as his soul and character never changed in each lifetime, despite birthdays in different signs. Proof, he believed, that astrology wasn't accurate.
But is that true? Granted, Daniel is a character created by an author whose own views may come into play here. As we all know, astrology is definitely controversial in that people either believe it, or find it completely ridiculous. After all, how can astrology be accurate when the Cosmo astrology section never predicts my love life correctly?
I have spent time on this blog debunking the claim that astrology is false simply because newspapers or magazines print generic daily/weekly/monthly horoscopes. So let's move on...
The true question is:
If reincarnation really exists, then how can we explain astrology?
The commonly held theory regarding reincarnation is that the soul is supposed to learn and evolve in each lifetime, learning how to be a better person and, essentially, "grow up." In Hinduism, reincarnation is the method by which karma comes into play--where we go up or down a metaphysical ladder of spiritual evolution based on our previous life(s). The goal is to reach the top of this ladder and be one with the Supreme (God, Buddha, etc.).
If your soul is like a block of swiss cheese, with holes throughout that it needs to fill in before it can become a citizen of the Universe, then would your soul ever be affected by astrology assuming that it fundamentally stays the same in structure while it continues to "complete" itself into a whole?
Here are my thoughts.
The astrological wheel, or the Zodiac, is also an evolutionary concept. It is symbolized as a wheel to show the ongoing nature of life and spirituality. As the wheel keeps turning, we keep growing and evolving. The wheel starts at Aries (representing the infancy stage of mortal life in which we are pioneers of a new cycle) and ends with Pisces (representing full spiritual enlightenment and immortality). As we progress through the Zodiac, we learn new traits and skills, while still (hopefully) building on the ones we gained in the sign before.
While it is only my theory, I think astrology and reincarnation go hand-in-hand. If the point of reincarnation is to spiritually evolve to supreme enlightenment, as is the point of the Zodiac wheel, then aren't these concepts complementary to one another?
If in this lifetime, you are an Aries, it would suggest that in the next lifetime, you would be a Taurus--building on the strengths of Aries from the life before, and gaining the strength of the Taurus in the present. Now, I know some may chuckle and say they know plenty of un-evolved Pisces, or that they are more mature or soulful in this life as a Leo than certain Virgos that they know. But I would ask you to consider that all things in life and in faith aren't clean cut. Just like the Wheel of Fortune in the tarot deck, or in playing roulette in Vegas, just because the wheel spins in a circle, doesn't mean you land on the next spot.
Perhaps you have been reincarnated many times and are "choosing" the astrological sign you want to be in this lifetime. Regardless of our prejudices towards certain signs, the fact is there is something we can learn from all of them. If in your next life, you want to live a life of service, perhaps Virgo would be the best sign for you. If you want to learn to communicate better or bridge relationships between things, perhaps being a Gemini would be most helpful. If you want to be a pioneer of new thought or innovation, or bring about new art or culture, being an Aries would be ideal.
Each sign teaches you something new. And, maybe, you chose this sign specifically for the lessons it can teach you in this life to take into the next. In other words, the sign you are currently experiencing in this lifetime will help fill in those swiss cheese holes of your soul in order to help it become more complete.
The beauty of all these concepts are just that--they are concepts. Maybe reincarnation doesn't exist...but isn't it infinitely more "fun" to consider the possibility that it does?
And, if it does exist, which sign would you want to be in your next lifetime?
1a: the action of reincarnating: the state of being reincarnated
1b: rebirth in new bodies or forms of life; especially: a rebirth of a soul in a new human body
2: a fresh embodiment
(Definition provided by Merriam Webster)
Reincarnation occurs when the soul or spirit comes back to life in a newborn body after death. The belief of this spiritual cycle of life and death is not exclusive to any one religion or geographical location, but it is a focal point within a majority of Eastern spiritual faiths--such as Buddhism, Hinduism, Jainism, and Sikhism--and regions. It was also a fundamental concept to some Greek philosophers and other non-Eastern religions, including Spiritism and Eckankar.
Where it does not [commonly] exist is within the religions of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. Certain groups within those religions do refer to it, however, such as the followers of Kabbalah.
Lately, the belief in reincarnation has become "popular" in Western culture, as evidenced by movies in mainstream Hollywood such as "Heaven Can Wait", "What Dreams May Come", "Defending Your Life", "Birth", etc., as well as books, songs, and even art.
In a recent book I read by Ann Brashares, "My Name is Memory", the main character, Daniel, is a character whose soul is reincarnated since 500 B.C. He retains the memories of all his lifetimes, and his soul remains the same as it shifts from body to body after death and before his next life. At one point in the book, Daniel speculates--briefly--on the lack of plausibility in astrology as his soul and character never changed in each lifetime, despite birthdays in different signs. Proof, he believed, that astrology wasn't accurate.
But is that true? Granted, Daniel is a character created by an author whose own views may come into play here. As we all know, astrology is definitely controversial in that people either believe it, or find it completely ridiculous. After all, how can astrology be accurate when the Cosmo astrology section never predicts my love life correctly?
I have spent time on this blog debunking the claim that astrology is false simply because newspapers or magazines print generic daily/weekly/monthly horoscopes. So let's move on...
The true question is:
If reincarnation really exists, then how can we explain astrology?
The commonly held theory regarding reincarnation is that the soul is supposed to learn and evolve in each lifetime, learning how to be a better person and, essentially, "grow up." In Hinduism, reincarnation is the method by which karma comes into play--where we go up or down a metaphysical ladder of spiritual evolution based on our previous life(s). The goal is to reach the top of this ladder and be one with the Supreme (God, Buddha, etc.).
If your soul is like a block of swiss cheese, with holes throughout that it needs to fill in before it can become a citizen of the Universe, then would your soul ever be affected by astrology assuming that it fundamentally stays the same in structure while it continues to "complete" itself into a whole?
Here are my thoughts.
The astrological wheel, or the Zodiac, is also an evolutionary concept. It is symbolized as a wheel to show the ongoing nature of life and spirituality. As the wheel keeps turning, we keep growing and evolving. The wheel starts at Aries (representing the infancy stage of mortal life in which we are pioneers of a new cycle) and ends with Pisces (representing full spiritual enlightenment and immortality). As we progress through the Zodiac, we learn new traits and skills, while still (hopefully) building on the ones we gained in the sign before.
While it is only my theory, I think astrology and reincarnation go hand-in-hand. If the point of reincarnation is to spiritually evolve to supreme enlightenment, as is the point of the Zodiac wheel, then aren't these concepts complementary to one another?
If in this lifetime, you are an Aries, it would suggest that in the next lifetime, you would be a Taurus--building on the strengths of Aries from the life before, and gaining the strength of the Taurus in the present. Now, I know some may chuckle and say they know plenty of un-evolved Pisces, or that they are more mature or soulful in this life as a Leo than certain Virgos that they know. But I would ask you to consider that all things in life and in faith aren't clean cut. Just like the Wheel of Fortune in the tarot deck, or in playing roulette in Vegas, just because the wheel spins in a circle, doesn't mean you land on the next spot.
Perhaps you have been reincarnated many times and are "choosing" the astrological sign you want to be in this lifetime. Regardless of our prejudices towards certain signs, the fact is there is something we can learn from all of them. If in your next life, you want to live a life of service, perhaps Virgo would be the best sign for you. If you want to learn to communicate better or bridge relationships between things, perhaps being a Gemini would be most helpful. If you want to be a pioneer of new thought or innovation, or bring about new art or culture, being an Aries would be ideal.
Each sign teaches you something new. And, maybe, you chose this sign specifically for the lessons it can teach you in this life to take into the next. In other words, the sign you are currently experiencing in this lifetime will help fill in those swiss cheese holes of your soul in order to help it become more complete.
The beauty of all these concepts are just that--they are concepts. Maybe reincarnation doesn't exist...but isn't it infinitely more "fun" to consider the possibility that it does?
And, if it does exist, which sign would you want to be in your next lifetime?
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