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The PISCES 4-1-1

Element: Water
Ruling Planet: Neptune, Jupiter
Quality: Mutable
Nature: Negative, Feminine
Symbol: Fish

Health Alert: Pisces rule the feet and its structural bones and toes. They must be careful with sprains, stubbed toes, ankle issues, bunions, or broken bones. Since many Pisces are avid runners, dancers or sports-enthusiasts, they need to learn to guard their feet to avoid permanent damage or invasive surgery. Internally, Pisces rule the lymphatic system. They must take caution when it comes to internal inflammation, gland functions in general, and problems with drugs. Allergic reactions to drugs, and a susceptibility to addictions, can become a serious issue for Pisces, who use drugs and alcohol to escape reality or numb themselves from their intense emotions. These said emotions can cause Pisces to struggle with depression and psychosomatic illnesses more often than not. Most of their health issues stem from emotional distress, and as such, they tend to have a weak immune system to fight off colds, flu, sinus infections, or other illnesses. Therapeutic ways of avoiding addictive tendencies and reducing stress on the body would be yoga or Pilates, which most Pisces love because it helps them to feel spiritually aligned as well. Last but not least, Pisces tend to indulge in expensive tastes when it comes to rich foods. They should be wary of excessive drinking and eating, especially late night. Their bodies have a delicate system and their metabolism is a bit weaker than most.

Where to Find a Pisces: performing on-stage, whether it be a dance production, musical collaboration, or play. They are heavily involved in the arts, so when they aren’t on stage, they can likely be found working late hours in an art or dance studio, reading in a bookstore, rehearsing their lines with a cast mate, cooking in a restaurant, or attending a lecture on religion or philosophy. You may also find a lot of Pisces working in marketing or graphic design firms, as they get to apply their artistic skills in a corporate environment. You can also find them near water (ocean, lake, etc) meditating or just watching the scenery while writing down their latest poem or chapter in their novel. Most Pisceans are involved in charity work and the Church, so an easy target would be to go to a worship service or sign up for volunteer work in your area (animal shelters, soup kitchens, mentoring programs, campaign fundraising, etc). New Age workshops, readings, or events is a prime target for the typical Pisces, who is very in-tune with alternative lifestyles. This said lifestyle leads them to organic food markets and grocery stores, too. If all else fails, you are guaranteed to find a Pisces in a yoga or Pilates studio (and probably, they are teaching the class!).

How to Spot a Pisces: they are fairly easy to spot because they tend to stand out like a sore thumb in a crowd. Many of them have light eyes that are soft and soulful, which they use to analyze the environment around them. They won’t be the loud person in the room always talking. In fact, they will be the quiet one you have to draw out of their shell. Once they are drawn out, they can be quite witty and charming, surprising most people. A hearty laugh that throws their head back, and frequent movements of their head is also a noticeable trait (that “huh? me?” what?” movement). It’s almost as if they look like someone has splashed water on their face. Their faces, and facial movements, are quite expressive when they become animated—otherwise, they can look like a deer in headlights most of the time. They may wave their arms around when they talk as well, almost as if they are dancing or giving a grand speech in their head at the same time that they are sitting down and talking to you about their day. The women are drawn to floral prints and very feminine pieces (sheer fabrics, summer dresses, scarves, subdued prints, etc) that allow them to move easily and comfortably. The less glamorous Pisces woman will wear jeans and a fleece jacket or t-shirt all the time (and some kind of creative addition, like a scarf around their head, a cool/different piece of jewelry, or a fun headband) or have a more hippy look (flowing printed dresses an earth tones), and the more glamorous will have no problem decking herself out in jewels, a fur coat, and a plunging neckline showing her curvy figure (think of Elizabeth Taylor when she was young). She uses her clothes to define herself as either a sexy siren or a natural beauty. The men love wearing blues and greens, and will often be in khakis or some other relaxed-wear. In business, they are always in sharp suits and have impeccable taste. They like to look good—it helps them charm the women more so that they can get what they want!

How to Attract a Pisces: have a kind heart, an interest in the arts and in their passion for the arts, and be attractive. Pisces are very visual and don’t like things that look messy or in disarray—it throws them off balance. If you are a good soul, with a strong will, they will fall madly in love with you. Typically, a Pisces is first attracted sexually, but will wait to get to know you better before really falling in love (Do you have the same interests? Are you spiritual? Do you respect yourself? Are you a family person?). Ironically, even though Pisces are attracted to pretty people, they are turned off by materialistic ones. A Pisces man loves an attractive, feminine woman, but if she spends too much money on shoes, bags, or clothes, or expects that he spends his money on her, he is quickly turned off. He will view her motives as selfish, materialistic, and greedy. A Pisces woman is always looking for a man who is put together and successful. She needs to feel secure and taken care of, and a well dressed man with a good bank account is definitely the route to her heart, even if he can be slightly selfish or self-involved, she falls for his charms. The general rule of thumb, however, is just to be a good, nice person—someone that a Pisces considers to be honest, virtuous, and loyal. A wicked sense of humor will also help you. Many Pisces are in the entertainment industry, notably as comedians or actors, and love making people laugh. You should take to heart that Pisces have very volatile emotions, as well. This means they can be obsessed with you one moment, and disinterested in the next. Be willing to ride their emotional waves (and sometimes, tsunamis) if you want to spend a lifetime together.

How to Lose a Pisces: being more emotionally erratic than they are, loud, or pretentious, is a great way to get rid of your Pisces. They may hang in there for a while because they dig a little bit of the crazy (they are crazy too, after all), but they will quickly swim upstream after a short while. They loathe nasty behavior, ugly people, negative personalities, and irresponsible partners. Female Pisces are looking for a strong, alpha male to protect them; male Pisces are looking for a feminine, faithful and kind-hearted alpha female to nourish them. It’s really that simple. So, if you don’t fall within the lines, you simply don’t matter to a Pisces.

FAMOUS PISCES

FAMOUS PISCES
Clockwise: Javier Bardem, Glenn Close, Daniel Craig, Jessica Biel, Benicio del Toro, Eva Longoria, Justin Bieber, Drew Barrymore, Michael Cain, Rachel Weisz, Steve Jobs, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Billy Crystal, Queen Latifah, Spike Lee, Chelsea Handler, Mitt Romney, Chelsea Clinton, Ralph Nader, Elizabeth Taylor, Albert Einstein, Liza Minnelli, Alan Greenspan, Rue McClanahan, Rob Lowe, Lauren Graham, Bruce Willis, Juliette Binoche, Kurt Russell, Cindy Crawford, Bon Jovi, Vanessa Williams

The PISCES Best & Worst List

Best Qualities: intuitive, nurturing and soulful, Pisces have a way about them that makes people drawn to them. Whether it is because they are mysterious, seem innocent, or make people feel coddled and needed, they are like Mother Nature radiating warmth and harmony. Romantic and charming, Pisces easily find partners in their life to fulfill their needs. Their creativity is limitless, whether they are a male or a female. Male Pisces tend to focus more on cooking or music, and are therefore often found running a kitchen or writing their own music and/or playing an instrument of their choice. Their girlfriends have swooned over their emotional sensitivity and way with words—especially when they put the words in a romantic poem or song while playing their guitar. Female Pisces are more apt to write (poems, short stories) or be an artist or dancer. They have a strong need to use their sense of touch and their free spirit in their creative endeavors and are not afraid to express themselves through dancing, painting, or singing. Regardless of their sex, Pisces are extremely expressive on paper and often live in a fantasy world. Their artistic inclinations just make them very different from the average Joe (or Jane). Their emotions are so strong and finely tuned that, when they become too overwhelming, they can turn them into something beautiful, if they so desire. Inclined to spirituality and New Age beliefs, Pisces is a sign that is typically psychic and somewhat mystical. As the oldest sign of the Zodiac that is also connected astrologically to Jesus Christ, they have profound wisdom and beliefs in a higher power. Many Pisces are strongly linked to churches and religious leaders, and/or are involved in charitable works, volunteering, holistic healing, or counseling.

Worst Qualities: Pisces live in a fantasy world that makes it seem as if they are oh-so-mysterious (people can’t help but wonder “what ARE they thinking about?”), but the reality is that they are so confused about how they feel that they very rarely can make a decision about which mood they are in or which direction to go. Indecisiveness is a big challenge for Pisces and can sometimes render them immutable and left whining and throwing a tantrum because they simply can’t decide between hot and cold, happy or sad, left or right. As fickle as a child, their decisions and actions are at the beck and call of their mood de jour. Making a commitment to a decision, feeling, or idea can be excruciating for them and they end up delegating the decision to someone else. Pisces say that they hate hurting someone’s feelings, but the truth is that many of them get a sadistic kick out of hurting the ones they love. They can be completely self-absorbed and self-centered, so it is hard for them to strike a fine balance between making a decision that is best for them while still making it seem as if they are putting other people’s feelings into consideration. Violent tempers, mood swings, possessive, and addictive personalities are very common to Pisces. Many are apt to deal with depression, jealousies, and feelings of inadequacy or unexplained sadness. Sometimes living in their own fantasy world with their head in the clouds makes the landing on Earth a crash and burn reality. Pisces need to learn to not transfer their own feelings of unhappiness or inadequacy onto their loved ones, or they may end up terribly alone. Also, when a Pisces has made up their mind, they can be incredibly loyal to that decision, which can be a heavy burden on those who don’t agree.

Best Matches: Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn, Cancer, Scorpio

Taurus thrives in the home and needs to feel protected, secure, and loved. Taurus, after all, is in love with the idea of love—wishing that the world is full of romance and sex. In comes Pisces, who, with a wave of a wand, can make all their dreams seem true. Both signs are also drawn to the intensity of touch and are very ethereal. They aren’t afraid to explore their sexuality together and see what happens in the bedroom. Spiritual conversations, intense emotional bonds, and a sense of comfort comes easily when these two signs are paired together. They will be best friends and lovers, which is, after all, the sweetest thing. Famous Couples: Javier Bardem (Pisces) and Penelope Cruz (Taurus), Cindy Crawford (Pisces) and Randy Gerber (Taurus), Eva Longoria (Pisces) and Tony Parker (Taurus), Liza Minnelli (Pisces) and David Gest (Taurus)

Virgo is Pisces perfect astrological opposite. This is to say that they can either be a great couple, or a horrible one. While Pisces may find making a decision hard, Virgo is more apt to say “this is what you do and how you do it.” And when both are stuck for a decision, the over-analytical Virgo and the dreamlike Pisces can sit together for hours arriving at the best decision and exploring all the pro’s and con’s of the situation. Virgo enjoys Pisces mystical and seemingly innocent (and slightly neurotic) side; Pisces delights in Virgo’s purity and strength. Virgo is always reliable when it comes to Pisces because a Virgo always feels the need to protect or nurture their wounded partner. However, Virgo can easily become annoyed with Pisces’ inconsistencies and inability to make decisions. Pisces can feel over-analyzed and criticized by Virgo. The truth is that both are at fault here by simply being who they are. Famous Couples: Cindy Crawford (Pisces) and Richard Gere (Virgo), Emily Blunt (Pisces) and Michael Buble (Virgo)

Capricorn’s drive, stamina, and discipline provide the backbone that the Pisces has always been searching for. Capricorns know how to get things done and get them done right, especially in business and finance. They seldom question their actions and just go for it, something which a Pisces can’t help but admire. Also, since Pisces tends to spend money a bit more recklessly, they benefit greatly by Capricorn’s shrewd financial planning and investment advice. So what does the Pisces bring to the table? Capricorns tend to be aloof and not evolved emotionally speaking—these goats can be a bit too harsh and cold while climbing to the top of that mountain. That’s where Pisces comes in, softening the rough edges of the Capricorn and calming them down, telling them when they are being inappropriate, mean, or too damn cold-hearted. Famous Couples: Penny Lancaster (Pisces) and Rod Stewart (Capricorn), Christine Baumgartner (Pisces) and Kevin Costner (Capricorn), Pat Nixon (Pisces) and Richard Nixon (Capricorn)

Cancer will feel at home in Pisces deep emotional waters; these two literally are as happy as a crab (Cancer) and a fish (Pisces) swimming together in the vast ocean. They are both emotional, sensitive and moody, and feel as if they have found their perfect soul mate in each other. Whether it is staying at home for a nice evening by candlelight, or reading a book in the corner of the living room while sipping on a nightcap, these two simply enjoy each other’s comforting presence. Cancer is a very witty and driven sign, as is Pisces, and together their conversations will flow smoothly and easily. More importantly, neither sign is afraid to call the other out on their BS, and knows when to leave well enough alone. Their union will be mystical, and their bond intensive and somewhat possessive, but that’s how they both roll when it comes to love. At the very least, both of them will be able to understand each other’s emotional volatility. Famous Couples: Kurt Cobain (Pisces) and Courtney Love (Cancer), Johnny Cash (Pisces) and June Carter Cash (Cancer), Vanessa Williams (Pisces) and Rick Fox (Cancer)

Scorpio’s more intense, sensual qualities invigorate Pisces to feel more sexual and sensual—these two will certainly have a romantically charged relationship where feelings and emotions seem very heightened and magnified. Both are very spiritual signs and will be drawn to an alternative lifestyle together and will judge each other rarely, and love each other permanently. They may not marry, but they will happily spend the rest of their lives together. Intellectual stimulation and friendship rules this couple first and foremost, but a healthy physical attraction is definitely there. They both sense what the other needs (for Scorpio, they need space and freedom, especially from judgment; for Pisces, they need attention, coddling, and adoration). Famous Couples: Kurt Russell (Pisces) and Goldie Hawn (Scorpio), Bruce Willis (Pisces) and Demi Moore (Scorpio), Michael Bolton (Pisces) and Nicollette Sheridan (Scorpio), Tom Arnold (Pisces) and Roseanne (Scorpio), Julia Cameron (Pisces) and Martin Scorsese (Scorpio), Elizabeth Taylor (Pisces) and Richard Burton (Scorpio), Alan Greenspan (Pisces) and Andrea Mitchell (Scorpio)

Worst Matches: Gemini, Leo, Sagittarius, Pisces

Gemini’s mercurial wit and personality certainly charms the Pisces, who is mesmerized by Gemini’s social persona. Both signs are mutable, meaning they are able to adapt to the energy or changes in a room/environment. Their flexibility will be essential in making this pair last. Pisces may want to cling or attach themselves to Gemini’s rollercoaster ride—and it may last for a short while. That is, until the Gemini is tired of being bored by Pisces’ sensitive or possessive nature, desire to stay home, or depressive/quiet moods. The only thing Pisces would love to chat about non-stop is the way they are feeling about a situation, which is probably the quickest way to lose a Gemini who can’t STAND to talk about their feelings all the time and would probably prefer talking to a wall instead. Pisces can be too unreliable and unstable for Gemini, who needs a partner who will ground them and their flighty twins. That being said, if a Gemini has been wounded in love before, and craves a nurturing and committed soul, a Pisces may just fit the bill. Famous Couples: Seal (Pisces/Aquarius cusp) and Heidi Klum (Gemini), Drew Barrymore (Pisces) and Justin Long (Gemini), Ivana Trump (Pisces) and Donald Trump (Gemini), Drew Barrymore (Pisces) and Fabrizio Moretti (Gemini), Callista Gingrich (Pisces) and Newt Gingrich (Gemini)

Sagittarius and Pisces, at some point, will find themselves together. It doesn’t normally last long, and it normally doesn’t end well, but nonetheless, it is a trap they often fall into. Sagittarius falls for Pisces unworldly and imaginative persona. They are so intriguing and ethereal, that the Sagittarius feels challenged to “capture” the Pisces. It is important to note that this pairing is more common when the man is the Sagittarius and the woman is the Pisces. The female Pisces will fall for the charming Sagittarius man who is adventurous, funny and goal-oriented. As she is typically weak on those traits, she feels incredibly drawn to this “foreign” energy and wants to be a part of it for a while. Likewise, the Sagittarius man is humbled by the emotional, sensitive, and creative Pisces woman—she seems so delicate and charming and perfect. That is, until she starts crying because she doesn’t have his attention, or when she complains he doesn’t love her or show his emotions enough. The Sag gets annoyed by the wishy-washy Pisces and her inability to make a decision. Angers flare and the Pisces woman throws a bucket of water over the enraged fiery Sagittarius…and then it is over. Famous Couples: Chris Webber (Pisces) and Tyra Banks (Sag)

Leo is sexual and shows love and emotions easily (and demands a lot of attention), so at the very least, a Pisces and a Leo will not worry about expressing their feelings accordingly. Since Leo likes being in charge and telling others what to do, and Pisces is looking to be told what to do, this pair can actually work. HOWEVER, Leo hates whining and hates being held back by emotionally weakness, such as manipulation, depression, or moodiness. And Pisces do that oh-so-well. As long as Leo can handle Pisces’ emotional persona, and Pisces won’t take Leo’s bossiness as a symbol of domination, they may find love together. At the very least, they will find great sex. Famous Couples: Justin Beiber (Pisces) and Selena Gomez (Leo/Cancer Cusp), Tea Leoni (Pisces) and David Duchovny (Leo), Elizabeth Taylor (Pisces) and Eddie Fisher (Leo), Desi Arnaz (Pisces) and Lucille Ball (Leo), Lauren Graham (Pisces) and Peter Krause (Leo)

Two Pisces together is a disaster. Too many emotions, too little motivation, and far too little direction, leaves these two a complete mess together. Pisces needs a more practical counterpart (or backbone) to make it in this world. Famous Couples: Rachel Weisz and Daniel Craig

Surprisingly Good Matches: Aquarius, Aries, Libra

Aquarius has a natural humanitarian instinct, which appeals to the nurturing Pisces. Yet, these two can have a limited fuse for one another. Aquarius tends to be too unemotional or unstable for the sensitive Pisces. While the Aquarius wants to be out and about, socialize and meet new people, the Pisces hates crowds or social events and prefers to be a loner and either stay at home, or watch and observe the crowd. Pisces do better in a one-on-one capacity with someone they know, and nothing, NOTHING, is as boring to an Aquarian as someone who doesn’t know how to carry a conversation with a complete stranger. Aquarius also tends to be a hard worker and puts in long hours at the office, always focusing on making money or vast improvements in the world. While Pisces respects this, they tend to thrive more on balance. Where they will understand one another is in trying to help mankind improve itself. They may pursue it from different angles (Aquarius thinks big, whereas Pisces thinks on a smaller scale), but pursue it they will. Both signs are incredibly charming, so they can channel their flirtatious personas into a very sexy relationship IF they are willing to understand one another’s differences and realize the treasure they have found in one another. If Aquarius is smart enough to acknowledge how lucky they are to have a soulful Pisces in their life to calm them down, and if Pisces is willing to admit they need Aquarius to motivate them to be the best person they can be, then they wouldn’t be such a bad couple after all. They could be great, in fact. Famous Couples: Jessica Biel (Pisces) and Justin Timberlake (Aquarius), Rachel Weisz (Pisces) and Darren Aronofsky (Aquarius), Elizabeth Taylor (Pisces) and John Warner (Aquarius), Stedman Graham (Pisces) and Oprah Winfrey (Aquarius), Paul Newman (Aquarius) and Joanne Woodward (Pisces)

Aries can be very superficial and needs to be in the spotlight at all times. Since Pisces can be turned off by excessive material wealth, this can be a weird match. BUT, if the man is the Aries in this picture, and the female is a Pisces, then there is some hope. A female Pisces loves being taken care of and loves feeling rich, decked out in jewels, fur coats, and expensive décor. She almost has a childlike delight at feeling like the princess in her own fairytale world. The Aries man thrives in providing her all of these things, especially since she looks so great in them and she is so appreciative of these gifts. He provides her not only with material security, but also a sense of adventure. If she doesn’t get jealous of his flirtatious character, and he doesn’t get bothered by her clingy behavior, they can really work well together. Famous Couples: Freddie Prinze Jr. (Pisces) and Sarah Michelle Gellar (Aries), Mitt Romney (Pisces) and Ann Romney (Aries)

Libra is all about harmony, balance, aesthetic pleasure, and peace. For this reason, Pisces can’t help but feel attracted to the world their charming Libra has created for them. As long as Pisces isn’t bothered by Libra’s social personality and constant over-analyzing, and Pisces doesn’t pull their infamous bouts of rage or temper tantrums, these two can co-exist very happily together. They just need to understand that their temperaments and personalities are different—but not different enough to give them a shot at trying it out. The Libra is a go-getter, planner and motivator. All of which are Pisces’ weakest traits. The Pisces is emotionally thoughtful, purposeful and sensitive, all of which can sometimes be Libra’s weakest traits. This pair can be a ying to the other’s yang if the stars are aligned correctly when they meet. Famous Couples: Chris Martin (Pisces) and Gwyneth Paltrow (Libra), Jon Bon Jovi (Pisces) and Dorothea Hurley (Libra), Dana Reeve (Pisces) and Christopher Reeve (Libra), Joel Madden (Pisces) and Hilary Duff (Libra)

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

What? We Are Already Halfway Through? My Stars!

There are a lot of things I love about June. For starters, it marks the beginning of Summer. This means Sun (theoretically), warm weather (preferably), and vacation (ideally). It also means that the days are longer, people take their adorable puppies out for more walks, we get an extra paycheck (if you are on a biweekly payment plan), and the beach is ripe for our pleasure.

Now here is where we get to the glass half full/half empty scenario. On the one hand, we are halfway through the year. On the other hand, we are halfway through the year. So, it's either a "let the good times roll" or a "if you are going through hell, keep going" situation. You could also say there is an Option C, which is "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" but I am feeling in a "it's either black or white, and no room for shades of grey" sort of mood today. Deal with it. Just as you are dealing with my onslaught of cliches.

Back to my glass of wine being half empty/half full scenario (you didn't honestly think it was filled with water...did you?).

The good news is that if 2009 has been good to you thus far, then you still have 6 months left to live like a rockstar; and if 2009 has crapped on you thus far, then you still have 6 months left to get up from under the rock that fell on you to ensure that the remainder of the year is memorable in a half glass full [of wine] sort of way.

I also like to do a "This is what I am grateful for thus far" list. I'll start (yippee):

1) I have amazing friends in my life, and some of them love to shamelessly promote my blog wherever I go, which has only added to the number of people on my circulation list. One day, if I am famous, I'll make sure to shamelessly promote them while being interviewed by Matt Lauer and Meredith Viera on The Today Show. SO excited to discuss the freaky fact that they are both Capricorn's AND born on the SAME day. And whether Leo sign Al Roker is really their friend, or their frenemy. I know. Astrology is like crack to me.

2) More people on my circulation list means more hits on this site. Had I started tracking how many visitors I had from Day One (August 23, 2007), the ticker would be significantly higher. But sadly, I found out how to put a tracker on this site in January 2008, so I lost a good 4 months of being able to monitor my astro groupie (AKA: you). But, coulda/shoulda/woulda. The cool thing is that I got 1,000 hits within my first year (January 2008-August 2008) and over 2,000 hits alone in my second year (which still has 2 more months to go), for a total of more than 3,000 hits in under 18 months. AND, since I started out originally with 2 blog postings a month, and am now down to only 1 posting a month, I have just proved that the economic theory of supply and demand works well for blogs. True story.

3) Summer started the other day, and the Sun DID come out, and the weather IS warm, and I AM going on vacation at the end of July. So, I also just proved the Universal principle of "ask and you shall receive."


Now onto the much anticipated Mid-Year Review. I'm not saying that some of you have had it bad, and some of you have had it great, but...nevermind. I AM saying that. Ready, on your mark...

Capricorn: I am proud of you. No, no, I am not mocking you. Come back here and continue reading this. Seriously. Bravo. You have made some life-altering decisions this year to enjoy life a lot more, and focus on work a little less. You have cut your hours, or reworked your schedule, and are enjoying a little more balance in your life. That takes guts! And, coincidentally, didn't you notice that you are doing a little bit better, professionally speaking, by being able to take more breaks? Keep on following this track you have gone down. And if you are one of those rare Cap's who hasn't done this yet, what are you waiting for!?! Your fellow goats are climbing to the top of YOUR mountain faster than YOU are. Just because I said to RELAX doesn't mean I endorse throwing aside that competitive streak of yours. Giddy up. Wait, do goats "giddy"?

Aquarius: Jupiter, the planet of good luck, has been in your sign this year, promising you a year of rewards, personal growth, and happiness. And hasn't he delivered?! You betcha! (hah, Sarah Palin is an Aquarius, after all). You have made a lot of changes this year: new job, new partner, new home, new pet, new friends, and/or all of the above. Sure, you have been stressed a lot, and sure, you have questioned your decisions and whether you made the right choices. But it has been working out pretty well, hasn't it? You took a leap of faith and went after what you wanted -- what you KNEW would make you happy -- and it is working!!! It's really working!!! You haven't been this happy in a long time. And believe me, the rest of us are happy about this. Because when you Aquarians are NOT happy...yowsas...we are ALL unhappy. So you are now living astrological proof that sometimes the tougher decisions are the better ones, and happiness is always within you if you only struggle to reach for it.

Pisces: It's been an interesting year for you fishes trying to swim upstream. I'm not saying you have had it bad, but it's maybe not been as awesome as your fellow Capricorns or Aquarians...yet. I say "yet" because so far, 2009 has been decent to you. Most of you have been working on getting your ducks in a row for the future. Whether you have been working on your 5-year business plan, or your next addition to the family, your focus this year has been entirely on "what's best for ME in the long term AND how do I go about making it happen?" You see a bright future ahead of you now that a lot of the groundwork has been laid out. Let's call the first 6 months of this year a "planning stage" and the next 6 months a "doing stage." That means you have only 1.5 weeks left in June to plan, and then you can start hitting the ground running in July (or August if you are going on vacation) to DO. New beginnings, new chapters, and new experiences are about to open up to you. Let's hope the decisions you made thus far are the right ones to guarantee you much happiness in the near future.

Aries: Ayyyye. It's a hard knocks life, ain't it? 2009 = notsogood. Stress at work AND at home have made you feel as if you are burning both ends of the candle, or more apropos: your head hurts and your ass is on fire. People are pissing you off and you can't seem to get a break. You are tired of the lies, manipulations, and deceptions of the people around you. When did life become so complicated? Oh wait. You know exactly when. Yes, yes do. Go back and pinpoint the date when things all went wrong. Are you there yet? OK. Now start to deconstruct the scenario to figure out how things took a turn for the worse and how you can either solve the problem, or override it. If your romantic relationship sucks, end it. Seriously. Life is too short to be frustrated. You don't always have to love the one you're with. If work is draining your soul (and no denying it: it is), then start applying for new positions. Don't give me "but that's not a smart idea in this economy." Guess what? A new job is always a leap of faith, and employers are more understanding of your taking that leap when the net has been removed for the entire world to fall safely on. There is no time like the present to take that risk. And what if BOTH areas of your life suck? Well, take that half empty glass, shoot back the remainder of it, and drag yourself to the nearest bar and ask for another round. Can't afford it? Use your Aries charm to get a free drink from that handsome stranger sitting to your right.

Taurus: What's there to really say? No, honestly. I want to know. You're crazy busy, yes, but you're also crazy boring. Nothing is really happening in your life. Nothing NEW, that is. It's like you are in a routine: get up, go to work, have a happy hour, go home, eat dinner, watch TV, go to bed, have sex, fall asleep, and repeat. La dee dah. You may actually fall under my "grey area" category I referenced above. And if so, I already stated that I am not in the mood for grey (even though it is one of my favorite colors). I want black or white, dammit. I need you to spice it up these next 6 months so that I have something compelling to write for the 2009 Year End Review. I don't want Taurus to fall under my "waste of astrological writing space" column come December. You have been thinking of making a big change: a new home, a new zipcode, a new lover. DO IT. ONE OF THEM. ALL OF THEM. Please! I am dying of boredom.

Gemini: Hello, my darling little Gem's. Guess what? You are perilously close to getting the same beating as Taurus just did. BUT. You are getting a free pass. Why? Because we just left your sign and are moving into whiny and emotional Cancer, and I know you hate that feeling, so I don't want to hit you when you are down. But here's the thing: Mercury also just got out of retro for the 2nd time this year, and you have several months before his next trip comes up. So, I want you to start cracking NOW. No, not cracking in HALF (har har, nice try), but cracking that whip and moving FORWARD. In fairness, you have done a pretty decent job this year. You have been constantly social, busy, and "booked." You are attempting to stay more calm and are getting good at taking your own, healthy advice. Your bullshit meter has been on target lately, and suddenly you are feeling less constrained by the crap people have been throwing at you. Like your star sign Heidi Klum, your world of friends, family, and colleagues is turning into a well-executed Project Runway -- "either you're in, or you're auwt." Yes, you may move on to the final round, dear Gem. But, you don't have immunity. You are starting to make plans for your future: new job, vacation (a last minute decision that you grabbed on to), and possibly, a new target for your affections. All of the above are possible for you. "Make it work!"

Cancer: The sun will come out...tomorrow! Bet your bottom dollar that, tomorrow, there'll be sun! And since you are the lil' crab of the zodiac, and we just moved into your sun sign, and there really IS sun out today, I can GUARANTEE that tomorrow will be a better day. Because, let's face it, it's been pretty damn stormy for you this year. You are a ball of stress and frustration and you literally can't take it any more. Rhett Butler could be your BFF right now. Storm OUT of that house, job, or relationship. You don't give a damn. I know you are nodding your head now and saying "You're right, you're right, I know you're right." So what's the hold up? The best part of Gone With The Wind is when Rhett finally ditched Scarlett. Aren't you ready for your climax? Aren't you ready for the music to swell up in your life's personal soundtrack? Your audience awaits!!! We are EXCITED for you!!! Cut those cords that have been tying you down for so long (and gee, how convenient, your lil' claws should be able to snip snip away at them quite easily) and break free. Note: if you are in a happy relationship, "breaking free" also means stepping up. There's no time like the present to ask someone to marry you or move in. You know you love them, and you know you want them. So, stop digging your head in the sand. PS, it's summertime. The water on the beach is now warm. Take a swim...naked.

Leo: And the wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round...round and...f%^$. Flat tire. And your AAA membership has been expired for several months now. Yes, I know, you have been so busy that you forgot. And there really was no one else around who was reliable enough to help renew it for you. You've been under a lot of pressure this year. We know. You have vented enough times about it. But, in fairness, damn, it HAS been a tough year. Most of you lost your jobs, lost your lover, lost your financial security, lost your best friend, lost your medical coverage (and consequently, your health), or just plain lost your mind. The good news is that many of you lions quickly recaptured your loss and snared a better job, or salary, and patched things up with that straying lover or found a new one. After all, you ARE irresistible...and your boss and/or lover knows that. So don't be so tough on yourself, dear Leo. We really do love you. But we see that you need some R&R pronto. We also see that you need to take on one less project a day and maybe attempt to give yourself more time to finish your goals. Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither will your empire. All the hard work you have put in this year WILL pay off. Just ease off the gas pedal and allow the rewards to come to you at their own pace, which is currently heading into a brick wall. And that WILL leave a mark.

Virgo: YOU DID IT!!!! You FINALLY broke free of your restrictions and got something you have wanted for so long. DAMN, doesn't success feel AWESOME?!?! Isn't it AMAZING when you do what you want to do, when you want to do it, and everyone just steps aside and let's you do it? Some of you started a new business, others started a new relationship, and many started a new life chapter (marriage, baby, engagement). While things aren't entirely perfect, you are more than accustomed to dealing with the reality that perfection doesn't exist, no matter how hard you search for it (and you Virgo's do search for it ALL the time). At this point, I think you are finally willing to accept that things just don't come wrapped up in a neat and tidy bow. But they CAN come in a designer package or shiny wrapping paper if you are willing to compromise. The first 6 months of this year have brought you probably more stress than you ever imagined (financial and health, notably), but that stress was all for a worthy project or goal. And June should have seen the culmination of whatever it was that you were working on so hard. Now, time to relax a bit, yes? Smile as you reflect on your progress. Be grateful that you are healthy again (too many of you suffered significantly health-wise thus far; your body can only take so much stress or drugs). Let this be a lesson to you for the future. Don't stop believing in all the possibilities that are at your fingertips. Your world is picking up speed right now -- GO with it and don't be afraid. You aren't normally good at holding on to momentum because the speed scares you, so I am urging you to please, please, please hold on tight and STOP over-analyzing it. The ride ahead looks incredibly awesome.

Libra: Inteeeeeresting. Did those rose-colored glasses you were wearing suddenly get a lil' smudge of dirt on them? Luckily for you, your problems only need a little wiping off and then things will go back to A-OK for you. They always do. Yawn. Now here is the part where I would normally say "your life is boring...and perfect...and fun!" But instead, I am going to say it is "working!" Yes. Working. Literally. All of you Libra's right now are deliriously giddy over work. It's crazy, but true. You are pretty much all focused on your careers right now and are loving every minute of it. Success is smelling sweeter than those fresh flowers on your dining room table. Sure, the long hours or extra work assignments have been a bit tough on your loved ones, but who cares about them? YOU are fulfilled right now. A recent promotion or new scope of responsibility is reminding you of why you love your job so much. And for those of you who aren't working, you are immersing yourself in new projects or goals. Even if your goal is only getting to the outlet stores for the latest sale, it doesn't matter. You are going to have a huge grin on your face when you get that killer outfit 70% off normal price!

Scorpio: Change is coming your way. Scary as hell, isn't it? But think of it this way: last year, I told you that you were too stagnant and unimpressed with your own life. You were tired, miserable, and lethargic. Unsure of your direction, you just lacked spark in your life. And now you have it. Sure, it is nerve wracking to go from 5 mph to 55 mph, but damn that wind feels better whipping through your hair with the roof down on your convertible. Doesn't it? BE a Scorpio: reinvent yourself, rejuvenate yourself, and rebalance yourself. You are a master at REdoing everything about yourself whenever you put your mind to it. Last year served you shit on a platter for dinner, with no salt or pepper added. This year, you have upgraded yourself to Grade A filet mignon. Well, almost. The chef is still preparing your meal. But SOON, SOON, you will be able to enjoy your dinner with a lovely glass [full] of swoon-worthy red wine. For those of you who are reeling with the latest developments in life, just keep your eye on the prize: your own personal happiness.

Sagittarius: Sometimes, we shoot a bullseye, and other times, all we get is a load of bullshit. You, my darling Sag, are a little bit of both this year. Dickens once famously wrote "it was the best of times, it was the worst of times", and I do believe he was referring to you in 1H09 (first half 2009, but you already knew that, you-savvy-financier-you). Work has been overwhelming and underwhelming all at once, which seems an impossible scenario, but in your case, is oh-so-true. You are working hard and tired of working at all. It's time for a new job and a new direction, isn't it? Life has become a little too routine for you lately, hasn't it? You aren't feeling that sense of accomplishment or achievement that you need to feel in order to keep going through the day, are you? And your love life. Sigh. Love hurts badly sometimes. All of you have experienced loss this year: loss of a failed marriage, a failed relationship, or a failed affair. And it has been a huge learning curve for your heart. But, there is light flooding through that slightly ajar door in front of you that you thought you slammed shut (or rather, that someone slammed shut for you). A new beginning is taking form right in front of your very eyes. Think of it as a new adventure. Yes, you like those, don't you? Turn the knob and walk through the door. You are too brilliant to wallow in sadness for too long. So if your job bores you to tears, or frustrates you to hell, ask yourself this one important question: why am I doing this? And if the answer is only your paycheck, then that's not good enough. And if your relationship bores you to tears, or frustrates you to hell, ask yourself this one important question: why am I doing this? And if the answer is only to not be alone, then that's not good enough.


So, with that, I conclude my 2009 Mid-Year Astrology review. Raise your half full (or half empty) glass, make a toast for the 2nd half of 2009 to bring you great(er) things, and remind yourself that there is always a bar around the corner waiting to pour you a refill.


Next Up: I Just Don't Know What to Do With Myself...
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